Just the Core

WARNING...

This post might make you feel upset, betrayed, bitter etc. If it hits you on a personal level, I am not sorry for how you feel. I stand by everything I am about to say 100000000000%. It is what it is.
Now that, that's outta the way, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

This year has been pretty hard for me personally. I've been through a lot in a short amount of time. So much so, I'm praying hardcore for a break, the next half of the year. Shit has hit the fan for me and for several of my friends. We have been pushing through it together but it's still been rough.

My core friends is a very small group. Core meaning, people I could call at 2am to come get me out of jail and they would be there in a heartbeat. Core meaning, people I'd give a kidney or part of my liver to and vice versa. Core meaning, when they hurt, I hurt and vice versa. Some of these core people live within 10 minutes of me and others are on the other side of the planet. Either way....these are my people. Meredith Grey had Christina Yang....I'm blessed to have more than one Christina to my Meredith. And if they ever needed me, i'd do the same for them without a doubt.

Soon i'll be going on a little end of the week adventure with one of my best friends to see another best friend. The one going with me, is incredibly busy all the time. She leaves the state and country almost every weekend. We live within 10 minutes of each other and make plans to see one another weeks ahead. She is on my calendar and I am on hers. It's how we do. And it works out very well. The friend we are going to see is just as busy and has a family on top of that. He lives 2 hours away from us. We talk almost every day and work hard to see each other as much as we can. And i know if i ever needed either of them, they'd be there for me in a heartbeat, just as i would be there for them. It's such a simple thing to do....meet up.....but it's going to be one of the best moments of my life and year.

I have friends who live within 10 minutes of me and they can't find any time for me. NONE. I'm the one constantly reaching out to them to try and catch up, but I usually get the shaft. I literally cannot get these people to meet up for coffee. And we aren't even going to talk about going on adventures near and far. This hasn't been a recent thing either. It's something that has been going on for years and i have gotten so sick and tired of it.

Social media allows us to know almost everything about everyone all the time. We check in everywhere. So, yeah, i see you check in to somewhere close to my work. I see you check in somewhere close to my house. I see you. And there have been times when I've seen some people check in near me....and i'm actually available for a quick bite or coffee so i contact them to see if they want to meet up real fast....nope. I could literally stalk some of these so called friends and still not get the time of day. It's fucked up. It's annoying. It's one sided. YET some of these same people get mad at me and try to guilt trip me for not inviting them to coffee and adventures.

Meanwhile.....my friends on the other side of the country and world, I can make "virtual coffee" plans with them in an instant. I can make travel plans with them pretty damn fast too. I see some of them MORE than i see the people who live in my same city. How is this even possible? I don't know but it's true!

It's a constant thing that keeps happening and I'm this close (haha yep) to cutting more folks off for this fuckery. I learned many years ago, I cannot hold a relationship up by myself. I can't be the one who carries the relationship....of any kind. No one should have to pull more than half their weight in a relationship. If they do....it's not fair nor right and needs to stop ASAP.

You treat people the way you want to be treated right? So if you don't put any effort into our friendship nor will I. It's that simple. You don't make someone a priority, when they only make you an option. I've done so much for so many of these so called friends and this is the thanx I get? FUCK THAT. My mom and grandmother used to tell me, sometimes you gotta love people from a distance. The older I've gotten the more it's become a reality. You can't make anyone do anything; you can only do what you want to do and react to the rest. This is me, reacting to the rest I suppose.

Like the song says.....you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

PS....I'm sorry i've been MIA for so long. I am going to try really hard to get back in this space more and not just tweet all my thoughts lol