A friend of mine is feeling the pangs of a relationship being over. Missing someone you were crazy for is never fun. So this is my advice...
You get over them in whatever time you need. Meaning no matter how long you were together, you can't calculate how long its going to take for you to get over them. It may take a month, it might take a year. Only YOU can determine how long it's truly going to take to move forward. YOU make the choices for the next steps to move forward. You can cry. We all do. You can hide. We all do. You can be angry, pissed off and even resentful. We all do. But once you have run the gambit of emotions, what will you do? Can you learn from the situation? Can you pull out the good things that happened and smile about them? Can you forgive the bad things and truly forgive the person for hurting you AND for you hurting them?
It's a process. I take breakups like death. Especially if it's someone you were madly in love with and genuinely apart of one another's lives in amazing ways. You are going to feel the loss like you would when someone close to you dies. In a way it is a death. It's the death of a relationship. It's a death of part of you. You feel something missing very strong. There is a hole. And with that can come darkness and immense sadness. Trust me i know.
Speaking from experience. I have loved deeply. I have loved only 2 people in my life (not related to me) so much that i have seriously said, i would give my life for them. I have lost both of them, relationship wise. The sadness if i sit and think about it, like i am now, is still intense. The pain is still there as if it happened yesterday. I mourned when we ended our relationship. I mourned long and hard. I went to a very dark place that i had never known existed in me. I was a woman on an island, in my world. No one could say anything to me to make me feel any better for the longest time. Sure i went about my days with school and work as though i was fine but there was always a dark cloud hovering over me. I literally felt like i was best friends with Death himself. Because i truly felt that a part of me died once those relationships were over and there was no light at the end of the tunnel what so ever. So yeah, i been in it. Even to this day, its been many, many, MANY years since we have broken up and it still gets me choked up when i talk about the break up. But i have moved forward in huge ways.
You might NEVER get over this person. People don't tell you this unless they are being deathly honest to you. Your friends will say "fuck him/her, you can do better" bla bla bla. They can tell you all the shit you want to hear just to make you feel better. But truth be told friends can lie to you. A real friend, person will tell you exactly what i am about to say...YOU MIGHT NEVER GET OVER THIS PERSON. You may move forward and move on. You will meet someone else who will make you just as happy, or even happier. You will love again. That said though, the love you felt for that person may never go away and the hurt you feel from the loss may never full heal. But if you have made the effort to move on with your life, you will put that person in a place in your heart and lock it up. Think of it as a Pandora's Box deal. You put stuff in there you need to push back in order to move forward and get all the things you deserve in this life. You lock it up and put it away for safe keeping. I won't say you can never open the box again because it's human nature to go there. It's natural to want to go back there at any time. So you will. You will go there and remember the good and bad things. You will wonder if you could have done anything different. You will miss the person. You will wonder if you will ever be that happy or meet someone that awesome ever again. That's normal. If you truly loved this person, you will look back and you will have a moment of sadness. That's how we learn and move forward. The key is to not dwell there. Don't be in the box too long. As i said before, its been several years since my break ups and every now and then i will go and open the box to remember the good things and still feel love for them. But i don't stay there too long, because i have a future someone out there who will love me just as much and i have to remember i will be happy once again. These 2 guys will ALWAYS have a place in my heart...ALWAYS. That will never change. I will love them in some way always and forever. I accept and understand that. Which is how i have been able to move forward.
You will be all right. That's it. You will be all right. You can survive the loss. You will love someone else again. You will be just as happy with someone else again. Sure it's going to be a bit of a journey but that's what life is about. You continue the journey, take the hits and still can come up on top. That person you broke up with, doesn't define your future, only you do. You can still love them but not be with them. However, if you are an eternal optimist like myself you can have hope that maybe...just maybe, you might be reunited with this person down the road. Both as better people and both ready to be together again and it will be done the way it should be. That old saying, if it's mean't to be it shall be, is what i believe and it's what gets me through those rough days.
I hope this helps anyone who is in this space. You are not alone.
