Alright. So apparently, people or more so, over protective parents are getting all up in arms about kids playing by themselves, walking home in groups or alone from school and roaming the malls alone. (You can read all about it here from NPR Kid's Solo Time) They are calling it "Free Range Parenting". They are saying it's showing "neglectful parenting". Because you know, a 10 year old
girl walking home alone in a decent area is just horrible and hurtful to this child. Heaven forbid her parents can't pick her up from school every day and make sure she gets home safely (which is barely 3 blocks away) without having to use these limbs and cultivate an independant spirit of self responsibility. Oh no...we can't have responsible, strong children doing things for themselves. What are we, hippies?!
I grew up in the 80s. I am apart of Generation X. My parents are Baby Boomers who are still spunky as ever. I just missed the awesome music era that was the 60s and 70s but thankfully the 80s didn't disappoint too much. My mother was a single mother after my father did unsavory things causing my mom to divorce him. Thankfully i had amazing grandparents on both sides that loved me and my mother to make sure we had what we needed to keep moving forward and making a life for ourselves. My mom worked hard every day to make sure i had food, shelter, clothes, laughter and love in my life as a child. I never wanted for anything. What she couldn't get me, my grandparents (mother's parents) made sure i was spoiled and a happy little camper. I never felt unloved, unwanted, neglected, pushed aside etc.
When we moved closer to my elementary school and i was able to walk, function and microwave dinners for myself, mom showed me how to walk home. I want to say i was in the 4th grade at this point. I actually started walking home in 3rd grade but that was only with my uncle who lived a few blocks away and would walk me home most afternoons. If i remember correctly, there was a group of us that walked home together. My house was the farthest but my bestfriend lived around the corner so when we hit the block where we went our separate ways, we would hug goodbye and run home down our perspective blocks. Her mother would most likely be home and once i got in, i would call her to let her know i got home. If i didn't call her, i would call my grandmother. Either way, someone was called and knew i was home safely. Which means, i had my own keys to my house. This also meant that people of the neighborhood knew young kids were walking home and would watch out for us. This is what happens when you live in an area with schools. Or at least it what use to happen. I
remember the guy with the big German Shepard dog who lived 2 houses from me. Him and his wife were very nice and always let me pet their dog and told me to get my homework done before mom got home haha I remember the 8th graders that lived down my block too. Some of them were fun and nice. They acted like they didn't look out for us little ones but i knew they did. Especially when they had to walk in the morning and saw us scurrying through the gates.
Ever since then, MOST of my school life involved me walking and taking public transportation to and from school...no matter where it was. And for those who don't know me, i went to school mostly in Los Angeles, CA. So not every place we lived was the "safest" or like these areas that many of these parents live where all the houses look the same. No suburbia lifestyle for me. I've lived down the street from a 7-11 where the homeless guys hangout. I've lived in really nice areas too where nobody has bars on their windows and everybody knows me and makes sure there are no seedy characters hanging around. Thankfully, thanks to my wonderful mom and brothers who taught me how to protect myself as well as how to just use common sense when going to certain areas, nothing has happened to me to the point of complete and utter damage to my life and mental status. Sure...nobody likes being whistled at nor followed by a creeper but if you are taught from the start how to deal with these things, you can handle it as best as you can and usually be just fine.
To this day i still use public transportation and walk on a regular basis. Yes, at times it gets scary and I'm paranoid anyways so that doesn't help lol But i survive! And i will keep surviving. I am insanely independant because of this one thing my mom taught me. I am aware of the world around me because of these things. I know how to handle myself in public because of these things. I am a woman who knows not to be caught alone in dark corners and parking structures NOT because i read it in some article on safety but because WHO DOES THAT?! Seriously...stop being available for drama!
There was no way my mother could have been a "helicopter mom" and still put food and shelter over us. She had to work. Just like I had to go to school. Nobody WANTED me to be a "latch key kid" which is what you called us who walked home back in the 70s and 80s. In a perfect world, i would've been driven to school and picked up every single day, and not a worry in the world about creepers and crossing streets and where the police station was in proximity to my school and home.
But we don't live in a perfect world. And trying to shelter your child from this till they are at the very least 15 years old is ridiculous and going to drive both of you crazy! Also, it builds really weak and fearful children who become paranoid and annoying adults that nobody wants to deal with. They won't learn self responsibility nor independence nor how to survive. I have no shame saying, i learned how to pee in a bush because i walked home one day from high school and didn't use the bathroom before i left and the bus ran late and i just couldn't hold it any longer! I also learned what bushes were poison ivy...thank you Girl Scouts...so i didn't pee in those bushes and have a bigger problem! I learned what neighbors really cared about kids and our well being. I also learned not every nice old lady or man is "nice" and you can suspsect everyone...and in some cases you should. In that same instance, i learned that not every thug looking dude wants to do a young girl harm and will look out for you when the asshat ones want to bother you on your block.
We have so many different things these days to keep kids safe. Technology alone is a huge part of it! I didn't have a cell phone, tablet, or alert bracelet! I had an ID Bracelet and barely a pager! There was no GPS on me...EVER. I was suppose to be home at a certain time and if i wasn't i would have about 20 people looking for me a minute after i was suppose to check in. THAT is what is missing these days. You can helicopter all you want. But if you don't let your child venture out with the knowledge and awareness YOU were raised with on how to function in the real world, you are going to have children who can't function without you. So what will happen when you are gone? Or when you can't pick them up? Do you have a backup plan? Do your kids KNOW your backup plan? They aren't stupid little people who can't understand logic and reason. Talk to them. Teach them. Show them.
Don't hover and smother them.
No...i don't have kids. Will i ever? Who knows. I'm not planning on any of that. So you can take all i've said how you want. Just know...there are lots of us who don't have kids and didn't have helicopter parents and we are the ones changing the world on a daily basis. We came out (most of us) pretty damn awesome.
Feb 20, 2015
Feb 10, 2015
Lose the Anchor
You know that person (or people) you keep begging to hangout with? Or in some cases just "catch up" with. The person you are always texting, facebooking, twittering, instagraming, etc. to try and get their attention. The person you want to just have a solid 30mins with to keep the bond of friendship (or whatever relationship you have with them) going and make stronger. The person you keep extending an olive branch too just to have it hanging there, slowly dying, like your hope to be in their presence again. That person who keeps absorbing your mental time.
Yeah, that person. Fuck that person. And i say that with love and respect to them and your relationship with them but seriously, fuck that person.
I can say that because duh yeah i've been there. I am sort of there right now actually. And it's taken some deep thinking and looking at the bigger picture to realize, that i am carrying more than half of this friendship. No matter how long we've been friends. No matter what we have done together in the past and present. No matter how deep our feelings for one another might be. There is no reason to be carrying more than my fair share of the friendship.
Now before people start moaning and groaning about "special circumstances and situations" let's get some perspective. We have all heard it said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. If someone wants to talk to you, be with you, all of that stuff, they will make an effort to do so. And I myself have said this repeatedly. Yes, there are special circumstances and situations, i agree. Sometimes, distance, time, work, life etc. gets in the way, yes. But really...nobody is so absorbed in their life that they can't show some sign of recognition of your friendship and wanting to continue on with it. There doesn't need to be some giant declaration of love and what not, nope. Just a simple text or hell, a "like" on FB can cure most doubts of "do they even know i still exist" out of most people's heads. Because we want to be assured we are still on people's radars. Especially, when they are heavily on our own radar. We want to know that they still care. Even in the middle of craziness, knowing your people are still YOUR PEOPLE is what we want when it comes to long lasting relationships.
I am a giver. It's a curse and blessing. I give of myself far too much and far too often to the ones i care about. No matter what is going on in my life, i am always there for them and will give them whatever they need to make them feel better and know that somebody cares. To let them know they will always have someone in their corner...unless they do something super stupid and i have to walk away altogether. But even then, part of me will always be like "damn...what if they really need me...i should give them another shot...maybe...i don't know." It's hard for me to put away a friendship. I cherish my friends deeply. And so i will take on more of the friendship to make sure it lasts, until something happens to shake me up and realize "HEY STUPID! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CARE ABOUT THEM! SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!" That's when the "we need to talk" situation happens. The last time i had to do that, gave the person one more shot and they failed again, so i had to walk away. That was over 2 years ago now. And a small part of me still wonders do they miss me...i don't miss them...but do they miss me? Because i was an awesome friend to them, that they didn't deserve clearly. Like i said...blessing and a curse.
Life goes on though. And you will be fine letting that person go. Sometimes we have to walk away from someone for them to see how awesome we are. Sometimes they never see it. And that's fine. You have to realize, not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Though you wish them to be, it's not going to happen. Not everyone deserves to be in your life forever anyways! Could you imagine that? Every person you THOUGHT was meant to be in your life forever actually is? That friend from 2nd grade that always had the best lunches...yeah...do you really need that person in your life forever? If they aren't in your life now...I'm just saying.
It sounds like an asshole, bitch thing to do, but sometimes you gotta be the asshole bitch. You deserve a friend (or whatever your relationship is) that puts in the same effort as you do. No matter who it is. No matter where they are. No matter what they do. Fair is fair. And if you feel like you are doing more than you should to keep the friendship going, maybe it's time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and make some decisions. You can have a talk with them, be honest about how you feel and go from there. You can't control how people will react but you can control how you act. If they value and respect your friendship, they will be honest with you as well and you can go from there. Sometimes you both know it has to end. Sometimes they realize they have been slacking off as a friend and want to make things right (and will truly do so making your bond even tighter). Sometimes they don't care and you gotta kick them to the curb. Whatever the outcome is, take it in stride. You did what you could to make it work and if it fails, so be it. Not the end of the world. Besides, when you release an anchor of a person from your life, it literally helps you become more open to meeting and making new friends. There are MILLIONS of people out there. Not all of them are keepers. But the ones that are, are looking for you, just like you are looking for them. Stop letting someone weigh you down and carry a heavy load. Fuck that person. You're awesome and you will continue to be awesome without them.
Yeah, that person. Fuck that person. And i say that with love and respect to them and your relationship with them but seriously, fuck that person.
I can say that because duh yeah i've been there. I am sort of there right now actually. And it's taken some deep thinking and looking at the bigger picture to realize, that i am carrying more than half of this friendship. No matter how long we've been friends. No matter what we have done together in the past and present. No matter how deep our feelings for one another might be. There is no reason to be carrying more than my fair share of the friendship.
Now before people start moaning and groaning about "special circumstances and situations" let's get some perspective. We have all heard it said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. If someone wants to talk to you, be with you, all of that stuff, they will make an effort to do so. And I myself have said this repeatedly. Yes, there are special circumstances and situations, i agree. Sometimes, distance, time, work, life etc. gets in the way, yes. But really...nobody is so absorbed in their life that they can't show some sign of recognition of your friendship and wanting to continue on with it. There doesn't need to be some giant declaration of love and what not, nope. Just a simple text or hell, a "like" on FB can cure most doubts of "do they even know i still exist" out of most people's heads. Because we want to be assured we are still on people's radars. Especially, when they are heavily on our own radar. We want to know that they still care. Even in the middle of craziness, knowing your people are still YOUR PEOPLE is what we want when it comes to long lasting relationships.
I am a giver. It's a curse and blessing. I give of myself far too much and far too often to the ones i care about. No matter what is going on in my life, i am always there for them and will give them whatever they need to make them feel better and know that somebody cares. To let them know they will always have someone in their corner...unless they do something super stupid and i have to walk away altogether. But even then, part of me will always be like "damn...what if they really need me...i should give them another shot...maybe...i don't know." It's hard for me to put away a friendship. I cherish my friends deeply. And so i will take on more of the friendship to make sure it lasts, until something happens to shake me up and realize "HEY STUPID! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CARE ABOUT THEM! SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!" That's when the "we need to talk" situation happens. The last time i had to do that, gave the person one more shot and they failed again, so i had to walk away. That was over 2 years ago now. And a small part of me still wonders do they miss me...i don't miss them...but do they miss me? Because i was an awesome friend to them, that they didn't deserve clearly. Like i said...blessing and a curse.
Life goes on though. And you will be fine letting that person go. Sometimes we have to walk away from someone for them to see how awesome we are. Sometimes they never see it. And that's fine. You have to realize, not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Though you wish them to be, it's not going to happen. Not everyone deserves to be in your life forever anyways! Could you imagine that? Every person you THOUGHT was meant to be in your life forever actually is? That friend from 2nd grade that always had the best lunches...yeah...do you really need that person in your life forever? If they aren't in your life now...I'm just saying.
It sounds like an asshole, bitch thing to do, but sometimes you gotta be the asshole bitch. You deserve a friend (or whatever your relationship is) that puts in the same effort as you do. No matter who it is. No matter where they are. No matter what they do. Fair is fair. And if you feel like you are doing more than you should to keep the friendship going, maybe it's time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and make some decisions. You can have a talk with them, be honest about how you feel and go from there. You can't control how people will react but you can control how you act. If they value and respect your friendship, they will be honest with you as well and you can go from there. Sometimes you both know it has to end. Sometimes they realize they have been slacking off as a friend and want to make things right (and will truly do so making your bond even tighter). Sometimes they don't care and you gotta kick them to the curb. Whatever the outcome is, take it in stride. You did what you could to make it work and if it fails, so be it. Not the end of the world. Besides, when you release an anchor of a person from your life, it literally helps you become more open to meeting and making new friends. There are MILLIONS of people out there. Not all of them are keepers. But the ones that are, are looking for you, just like you are looking for them. Stop letting someone weigh you down and carry a heavy load. Fuck that person. You're awesome and you will continue to be awesome without them.
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