So everyone did New Years Resolutions and is trying to stick to them, 14 days into the New Year. If you are still sticking with yours, CONGRATS! I'm happy for you! If you have already given up, no worries, you have tons of the year left to better yourself any time you want :) The whole pressure to start a New Year being this or that is hard. I think you can do it anytime, no matter what year it is and still succeed.
That said, I didn't make a resolution until maybe a week ago? Something like that lol I decided I'm going to stop chasing guys...really people in general. Stop putting forth MORE effort in friendships with people who I'm getting not nearly enough in return. I have a habit of being TOO available to many people who don't deserve that much of my time. I have a big heart. I really want to help as many people as i can be happy and feel cared for...even if it's at my own expense. This leads to me being taken for granted and left alone and bitter when I need someone. The giving person usually suffers silently when they have their own problems. We keep it to ourselves because we don't want to be a "burden" to anyone else. But if someone needs us, we are right there with all the love, effort and friendship you need...no matter when it is. This, for me, needs to calm down a bit. Putting others ahead of myself has smothered me and turned me sort of against helping people all together. When i get overwhelmed with helping everyone else, I can't handle my own issues and I just want to shut down and shut out the World. I have to pull back for my own sanity.
I deserve to make myself happy. I deserve to be cared for and about. I HAVE people who will be there for me whenever I need them and I need to utilize that MORE than i do. Because being quiet and keeping it to myself doesn't help anyone...ever. I am only human...a human with a huge heart and soul. But I'm over being abused and taken for granted.
This year I really want MORE EXPERIENCES AND ADVENTURES!! I have to see more of the people i love this year. I have to do that, there is no doubt about that. It's something I NEED to do actually. People always say, "i want to live more". Pft! I live lots, what i want to do is add more LIFE into my LIFE...if that makes any sense lol I want to give espresso shots to my life! Shake everything up and do what i want that makes me happy!
So this year, I guess I am going to be more selfish. I gave a lot of myself in 2013...some by choice and some not by choice. In 2012 i was vastly more selfish but I still didn't get as much done as I would have liked too. So this year I'm taking the best of both and maybe giving a bit more to myself overall. I deserve it! I have earned it! I'm too awesome NOT to give myself everything I want and need. Don't get it twisted though, when i say selfish that doesn't mean I'm going to ignore my friends and family and go on some Lindsay Lohan binge or debauchery lol It means, those of you whom i cherish will get to share these experiences with me MORE and we will have the best memories and times together! But when I need my ME TIME, let me have that please haha
I hope you all continue to have a great, promising and amazing 2014! Don't wait for life to happen! Go grab it by the balls and make it your bitch!
Jan 14, 2014
Jan 6, 2014
White Flame
She is the one holding those quiet moments in her hands
She has those secrets you dare not share with anyone
But you shared it with her
Told her your fears, your joys, everything
Trusted her with a piece of your soul
As you should have
She is the one who would never betray you
The one who would stand by you in the darkest nights and brightest days
She protected you from yourself
You gave her things you've never given anyone else before
Made her apart of you in a subtle but intense way
She never did you wrong
Never held anything you said in trust over you
She took those things in her hands and locked them away for safe keeping
Not a word shall be uttered
Not a regret made
The only one with the key is you and her
And she would not use her's unless you asked her to do so
Oh the power she has with such secrets
The things she could do to you
The worlds she could destroy with a whisper
But she does not
It doesn't even cross her mind to do such evil
Because she is a rare woman indeed
Not a second place, but a first and only woman
You know someone like her only comes around once in this life
This realization makes you grab ahold of her and adore her with all your being
And she...
She makes you feel like the only man she will ever care about so deeply
Makes you feel like the King of her world, every single day
Everyone knows you got the best
Everyone tells you, she is the one
In all this praise she still humble
Nothing goes to her head, nothing inflates her ego
She tells them she is blessed to have YOU
Such an amazing man to have as a best friend and a lover
Unfortunately...old habits die hard
And you...such an amazing man have decided you can't be with such a rare woman
You...just can't
So after a few months...maybe even a year or so...you do something unimaginable
You cut her deep
The pieces of her heart she gave you mean nothing now
And there is no explanation as to why...but there are excuses...lots and lots of excuses
This woman hears you, sees you, knows you
And all you can do is offer up excuses
So with all her strength...all her soul...all her fire...she walks away
Having learned another lesson
Having collected more secrets
Having become MORE aware of who she is
In the quietness she may shed a few tears
Not because you are no longer there
Not because you hurt her for no reason at all
But because she showed you her rarity and you still abused such beauty
She will not cry long though
She will carry on as you fade from her memory
As you become somebody she no longer flinches about
And one day, when she can barely remember your face...
She come across the secrets she has of you
She will smile a wicked little smile at the thought of letting them loose
But she won't
Lucky for you, she isn't made like that
She will take these secrets, put them in a jar like fireflies, label it with your name and put you on the shelf
With the others
Her collection isn't many at all
But what she does have is intense
She will look at them all with fuzzy memories and then close and lock the door again
Only to return there if she has more secrets to put on the shelf
For she doesn't need to linger and revel over them
She doesn't care to go through the details of such people anymore
She has a fire to keep lit
And no matter how many try to stomp it out, it won't go out
She is a rare woman
And when she finds the one man who will cherish, love and appreciate her rarity,
there will no longer be a need to store the secrets of the past men
She will burn them all and you will just be sitting there...
With your puddle that you ditched her for
Rare is the woman who knows a mans secrets and doesn't use them against him, even when he hurts her
and chooses to be with someone as deep and rare as a puddle on a rainy day.
copyrighted AMA 2014
She has those secrets you dare not share with anyone
But you shared it with her
Told her your fears, your joys, everything
Trusted her with a piece of your soul
As you should have
She is the one who would never betray you
The one who would stand by you in the darkest nights and brightest days
She protected you from yourself
You gave her things you've never given anyone else before
Made her apart of you in a subtle but intense way
She never did you wrong
Never held anything you said in trust over you
She took those things in her hands and locked them away for safe keeping
Not a word shall be uttered
Not a regret made
The only one with the key is you and her
And she would not use her's unless you asked her to do so
Oh the power she has with such secrets
The things she could do to you
The worlds she could destroy with a whisper
But she does not
It doesn't even cross her mind to do such evil
Because she is a rare woman indeed
Not a second place, but a first and only woman
You know someone like her only comes around once in this life
This realization makes you grab ahold of her and adore her with all your being
And she...
She makes you feel like the only man she will ever care about so deeply
Makes you feel like the King of her world, every single day
Everyone knows you got the best
Everyone tells you, she is the one
In all this praise she still humble
Nothing goes to her head, nothing inflates her ego
She tells them she is blessed to have YOU
Such an amazing man to have as a best friend and a lover
Unfortunately...old habits die hard
And you...such an amazing man have decided you can't be with such a rare woman
You...just can't
So after a few months...maybe even a year or so...you do something unimaginable
You cut her deep
The pieces of her heart she gave you mean nothing now
And there is no explanation as to why...but there are excuses...lots and lots of excuses
This woman hears you, sees you, knows you
And all you can do is offer up excuses
So with all her strength...all her soul...all her fire...she walks away
Having learned another lesson
Having collected more secrets
Having become MORE aware of who she is
In the quietness she may shed a few tears
Not because you are no longer there
Not because you hurt her for no reason at all
But because she showed you her rarity and you still abused such beauty
She will not cry long though
She will carry on as you fade from her memory
As you become somebody she no longer flinches about
And one day, when she can barely remember your face...
She come across the secrets she has of you
She will smile a wicked little smile at the thought of letting them loose
But she won't
Lucky for you, she isn't made like that
She will take these secrets, put them in a jar like fireflies, label it with your name and put you on the shelf
With the others
Her collection isn't many at all
But what she does have is intense
She will look at them all with fuzzy memories and then close and lock the door again
Only to return there if she has more secrets to put on the shelf
For she doesn't need to linger and revel over them
She doesn't care to go through the details of such people anymore
She has a fire to keep lit
And no matter how many try to stomp it out, it won't go out
She is a rare woman
And when she finds the one man who will cherish, love and appreciate her rarity,
there will no longer be a need to store the secrets of the past men
She will burn them all and you will just be sitting there...
With your puddle that you ditched her for
Rare is the woman who knows a mans secrets and doesn't use them against him, even when he hurts her
and chooses to be with someone as deep and rare as a puddle on a rainy day.
copyrighted AMA 2014
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