Um Hello???

I am so sad that we have become a society that needs to air out all our issues to the world all the time, 24/7, 365 days a year. Ok I'm not just sad, I'm upset about it. And before you start pointing fingers or raising an eyebrow at me, I am including MYSELF in this whole deal. I have let my business spill out onto social media, which makes my soul a little sad, but I have no shame admitting it. Do I have a problem like others? Not even close. I know when to shut my mouth and not put it all out there.

We can't seem to stop letting the world know how we are doing. We can't seem to stop arguing, bitching, whining  complaining, emoting all over the internet. We need to let everyone know at all times on all social networks, we got issues. Well no shit! We all got issues! But not everyone needs to hear it, all the damn time! We get so caught up in airing our dirty laundry on a screen, we forget to man-up or put our big girl panties on and face the issue head on, live and in person.

When did having a twitter feud become acceptable? When did it become cool to call someone out on Facebook and have all your friends "like" your status and comment like the peanut gallery they are? When did we stop grabbing our balls and going to that person and asking, "What the hell is up with that?!" Nope, we rather create vague statuses, retweet sayings and hope the person we are talking about realizes it's for them. Really? Seriously? Is this what we have become? Scared little people, hiding behind a screen picking fights with someone just because they "liked" your boyfriend's status? Really?

We even sit in the same room, texting each other! The art of talking to someone's face and not their profile has become "the norm" and it's getting worse and worse. Will talking go the way of newspapers?? Will we just start emailing, updating, texting all of our thoughts everywhere, all the time and become mutes? Is putting your iPad, tablet, Android, iPhone  laptop, kindle down so hard to do these days to actually enjoy TALKING to someone face to face or hell even over the phone?! (yes i know you need to pick up your iPhone to talk to someone but wouldn't that be a NEW EXCITING thing to try with it?!) We are more concerned about data rates/charges than we are our actual talking minutes these days. Hell i have TONS of minutes and don't even use half of them. But my reason is, I'm often in situations where i can't talk on the phone so yeah lol BUT if someone really did call me and I'm available to talk, guess what...I TALK TO THEM!

Remember when you would sit by the phone at home waiting for that awesome someone to call you? Remember the joy you got hearing their voice and falling asleep on the phone several times a night? Remember having lunch with your bestie and the great conversation you had WITHOUT updating your status as to where you are?? Remember when you could sneak out and just one person knew where you were, because location pin pointing wasn't invented yet? Remember when people came over to your house and actually knocked on your door to pick you up, instead of calling or texting you upon their arrival??? Remember the Thomas Guide?? Remember reading the Thomas Guide wrong but you found a great place to grab a burger and it was your hidden jewel for a good few months before it got popular? Remember missing a call on your home phone and listening to the voice mail and not calling back because you were doing something fun like cooking or enjoying a day at the beach? DO I NEED TO GO ON???!!!!

We need to unplug ourselves badly! We need to talk to the people in front of us with our voices! We need to deal with our issues without an audience! We need to get back to human interaction. Because at the end of the day, without human interaction we are just drones, alone, sitting in a room, waiting for something to ding or beep so we can talk to another drone, who is sitting in a room alone, waiting for something to ding or beep, so they can talk to another drone, who is sitting in a room alone, waiting....

Guts

I think too many of us are afraid to do things that will change our lives in some way. We over analyze and micro manage everything losing sight of the bigger picture. Yes, change is scary, it wouldn't be change if it wasn't scary. But in many cases change is good. Of course change is constant, but people tend to think negatively of change when really...in the long run...it's a good thing. 

I can honestly say, I am not a huge fan of change. Well, change that makes good things or good people go away. I like routine in that sense. We all must move forward, move on and move away from something at some point. But it can be hard if we get too comfortable in the routine. 

Doing something, all be it small or huge, to change your life/path is what keeps us moving. It also keeps things interesting. It makes us feel very alive. We experience these things that shake up our world some times daily. They say you should do something that scares you every day. I don't know about all that. I don't think I have enough things that scare me to do, one a day lol I strive for one a week. Sometimes we can create something that makes us scared or nervous. Other times it's something we have been afraid of for years. Either way, it's healthy and gets those things off your bucket list so to speak =)

I also believe that you should do something once a week or hell once a month, that brings you immense joy! Whether it's eating a triple scooped ice cream cone or dancing naked in your room or having a date with that special someone...do it! You have to enjoy your life. No better way than doing something you love and makes you feel oh so good from head to toe. Something that makes you smile from within, is worth doing over and over again! 

It takes guts to do something that scares you. It takes guts to do something that you LOVE, especially if you are breaking out of the mold that society has created for us. At the end of the day though, you will be a better person for it. You will shake up or change how you feel about yourself and life in general. You could change your whole perspective by being gutsy. You could change someone else's life for the better by being gutsy. Whatever you do, don't sit quietly letting those things you fear keep their control over you. And don't deny yourself the things that make you feel good. 

LIVE!!! Even if it scares the guts out of you lol

Love History

That evil little "holiday" is coming up and of course I am against it and all it's stupidity! I have always been anti-Valentine's Day person, so this is nothing new to my friends. But this post isn't about that mess. I don't think I will do one of those this year...might just resurrect an older piece because my feelings haven't changed lol

Today, I was reminded of an Ex I was with a very long time ago (if I say the years, I will make myself cry). So of course I started thinking about ALL of my Ex's and even past lovers. Side note: I LOVE using the word LOVERS! Makes me feel like an adult who has reached past the stage of saying F**k Buddies lol Actually, I only use the word LOVERS for those whom I spent a significant time with and actually cared for. The rest were just flings and I am not talking about them today...ever...ok not ever but not today :P

I am not going to name names, so don't worry, if you are an Ex or Lover of mine, your safe.
My Love History has been pretty interesting. I've had some amazing Ex's and Lovers! These are my top 10 people ya know. The ones who not only made your toes curl but gave you something much deeper and you still think of them fondly today with a wicked smile...yeah, those people :) Let me be clear with something though, some of my Lovers I never slept with and still they made it into my top 10 because of how they touched my life and raised my standards to an amazing level.

The guys I've had the pleasure of knowing on an intimate level have all given me something I needed at the time. Whether it be to show me that not all stereotypes are true about one type of guy or that chivalry is definitely not dead or that love can bloom over thousands of miles; I have taken something good from all of them. I like to think I gave them something they needed as well. Honestly, I know this to be true because even after going our separate ways, we still have a good rapport with one another that isn't just "civil". It's genuine and honest. When you realize things aren't going to work out and you both agree it's best to let go, I have learned through my vast experience, that if true friendship was in the relationship from the start, you can still manage to have that even after it's all said and done. You don't have to cut each other out of your lives completely. Of course you will need the time apart to heal, but down the road if you both still can let the good outweigh the bad, you can keep the friendship afterwards. It's not easy let me tell you that! But it's very much possible, if you try!

My Love History, has made me see what I am capable of in a relationship. What my limits are. Also, how I have grown since my first major relationship. I use to refer to myself as the Puppy Healer when it came to my dating life. I would somehow get these wounded little puppies and nurse them back to health. They would grow, mature and have their hearts become whole once again. Then when they were ready to venture out into the big world as grown dogs, they would tell me how wonderful of a friend I was and how awesome of a woman I am. BUT, in the same breath they would tell me they met this wonderful girl who does bla bla bla and is bla bla bla and they can't wait for me to meet her or tell me more about her. What? Is this happening for real? Yes...it did...repeatedly!!! I honestly, can't count how many times that happened to me and I pretty much felt like a care-taker of the brokenhearted. I was a shelter. No one wants to be a shelter! That shit is crazy and does things to your self esteem like you wouldn't believe. In the end though, as much as it hurt me, now that I look back at it, I did something good for womankind! I helped those puppies become better people and not hate the female race. I helped someone heal from some times really deep wounds and pushed them back out there to love again. Look at me...I'm the Man Whisperer!! :) Some of them went on to have great families and are still being amazing to this day. Of course there were some that fell off the wagon and are still being wounded puppies, but you can't win them all. And I certainly am not in the Puppy Healing business anymore. I've graduated to Guy Whisperer now damn it LOL My years of dealing with guys has given me a vast amount of knowledge and I am thankful for that. I know how to be the good female friend AND the fantastic girlfriend. And guess what...I can do both with one special person if he is lucky to get me ;)

I am damn proud of my Love History! Why? Because the caliber of guys in my top 10 are pretty damn awesome, so to speak. How can I say that when it didn't work out? Because no matter what happened between us, I can always appreciate, love and respect the person they are. I can look outside of what we had...be objective not just subjective about who the person is. These Ex's and Lovers of mine are...not to brag...but some are the cream of the crop! Maybe, I'm a little biased...oh well, I've earned it! I've been very blessed to not have dated or experienced true dogs, that have left me bitter towards all men. Yes, I've dated some dogs but they aren't in my top 10...no way, no how. But even the "dogs" weren't all that bad...just not on my level. We all do stupid shit, you can't hold that against someone forever if you want to be a happy person. I've never been completely smitten with the "bad boy" type so I've never had my heart broken by such. My top 10 Love History consists of men who always had a job/career, love their mothers, respect women hands down, chivalrous, manly men, adventurous, simple and complex, goal orientated and just plain good guys.

NOW WAIT! I know what you are thinking. If they were all that then why didn't it work out? Oh hhmmm? How can I put this in a short answer? At the end of the day, there was something whether it be on my end or their end that was a deal breaker, so to speak. Something made it clear, we were at the end of our time together. The Ex's and Lovers in my top 10, none of them ended due to cheating or something major like that. That's why they are in my top 10 duh! I guess, that's why I still am in contact with most of my top 10. There is no malice with them. We all make our own beds and we all have to sleep in them. If that means we can no longer be together, then so be it. But if you were a true friend to me before we got together, we can usually pull out the friendship from underneath all the rubble. If not, that's ok too. I wish you all the best still.

What is my point to all this?? I guess my point is this: No matter how fucked up or in some cases awesome your Love History is, realize that you survived it and you are a better person for it. Also realize, all this beta testing (nerdism spilled out sorry! lol) you been going through, just means you are getting closer to the real test that won't even feel like a test and will last much longer! A friend had to remind me of that recently. I had to think about this last situation I was in as half full, not half empty. I am getting closer to the next awesome relationship. We are all just one kiss and one late night conversation away from meeting our next happy place person! The past is suppose to prepare you for this person. So don't ignore it and wish it never happened! Be glad it happened and that it's the past. Because if it were your current, you would be miserable and missing out on the great person coming your way :)

If you are indeed one of my Ex's or Lovers reading this, I want to say from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!! Not sure if you are in my top 10? Here is how you know...do we still keep in touch and I haven't sent you any angry messages lately and I know who you are when you text me? Then yes, you are in my top 10 and you have permission to brag about being in some awesome chicks top 10 best Ex's/Lovers to your friends, if you so wish. I know how the male ego works ;) I thank you because you always accepted me for me. The good memories outweigh the bad. You made me smile from within during our time. You are still a good person no matter how we ended. You have changed me for the better and that is always a GOOD THING!

The Right People

This is geared more towards those of us in our 30s and older. 

You know how when you reach a certain age you accept who you are...flaws and all?You accept the fact that you nerd out over stupid things. You have a crass sense of humor. You sometimes chew with your mouth open. You dance around like an idiot when your team wins or cry when they lose. You accept yourself completely and don't pretend to be something you are not just to please other people. 

You are proud of the person you are and wave your freak flag with your head held high!!

I love that feeling!! I intensely love being who I am around anyone and everyone and not giving a damn if people don't like me. I also seriously enjoy the people who do like me for who I am. The ones that allow me to be silly without judgement. The ones who challenge me to up my game. 

These are the right people to have in your corner. The right people let you be you...fucked up and all...and still have your back. The right people will love you no matter what.

So to my younger readers...don't worry about trying to be something you are not. Be you, and the right people will love you for who you are, NOT who you are pretending to be. THEN, you can join the rest of us with your freak flag =)

Not In Vain

There are things we don't want for people in our lives. Even if things don't go how we want them to go, there are things we don't want to happen for the sake of others happiness. At least that's how i am. Some people wish bad things on others for their own selfish reasons. I don't want anything bad to happen really. I just want their choices to be better and lead them to better things.

Alas though, i can't save everyone. Hell i can't save anyone really. They have to save themselves. They have to want to make better choices for a better life. They have to want to take a not so good situation and make better situations after that. I wish i could beat some people upside the head and stop them from doing things that make their lives harder. But i can't be everywhere either. Perhaps it's just me wanting the best in everyone to come out more often than it does. I want people to be more of the rockstar i know they can be. Yet, when they fail, in a sense, it disappoints me. Not because i wanted something from them. But because i wanted something BETTER FOR THEM.

Feels like my efforts are a bit in vain. Like no matter what i do or say, none of it matters because people are going to do whatever they want. So, when that happens and they need someone to lean on...i have a choice to make as well. Do i do the "i told you so" dance and rub salt in the wound OR do i give them a little smack on the back of the head while embracing them and letting them know, everything will be just fine and i will always be there for them?? If it's someone i am very close to, of course i embrace them...no judgement, just support. If it's someone i'm not too close too, i still embrace them without judgement but i might remove myself from their world a bit. I have found some times the best help you can give someone is pointing them in a different direction and walking away.

Being a helper is exhausting at times. Being someone with a huge heart, understanding and desire to help others is taxing on the mind, body and spirit. Some times your fails are my fails. Your pain is my pain. Your joy is my joy. Your awesomeness is my awesomeness. I truly do love being supportive for my friends and family. But i won't lie...some of yall wear me the fuck out! lol Will this stop me from doing what in some sense is my life's purpose...absolutely not. But it does mean when i celebrate life and all my awesomeness i savor every single second of it!

So if you can relate to this...being a helper, healer, taking care of people in any capacity...know you are not alone. Yes, its straining and stressful at times but if your heart is in the right place, it's very much worth it! Our hearts are big so we can give love to all those who need it. We are awesome! Just please, don't forget about taking care of yourself! YOU can't help others, if you don't help yourself. Take time for YOU...you deserve it! And seriously, when no one is looking, dance around like crazy to release the stress you are holding on your shoulders...then laugh because you look insane but who gives a fuck =)

Easy Peasy

I had an awesome NYE with good friends and even got a kiss at midnight! The kiss was something I haven't had in many years...at midnight I mean lol Sort of expected, but always a nice surprise when it actually happens. Also got to enjoy my best friends whom no matter where we are, its a good time!

I'm excited to spend more time with my peoples this year. I work a lot and so do they and we neglect each other for far too long. For me, that has to change this year. Even though i have tons on my plate this year, i'm making room for the ones i love.

While others are all for eating healthy, working out, getting better jobs or better relationships. I really think a easy resolution we all can put into action, is spending more time with the ones who matter. You can't live your life working and missing the fun stuff. Life is meant to be lived right? Right!

So let's try to do this simple little act. If you got a free weekend, call up that friend you been meaning to grab coffee with. Got off work early, swing by someone else's job with a sweet snack and have a blast of a break that I'm sure they will appreciate. Or if time is really, truly tight, just pick up the phone and call someone! We spend so much time typing all of our thoughts and feelings, we forget the value of having a real conversation with that person. Sure, I feel like I talk to my bestie every day and don't miss a beat in each other's lives, but when we talk on the phone or meet up for Happy Hour, it's altogether different and seems that much more special! Hugs leave a much better lasting impression rather than a million smiley faces and hearts.

Hope you all are having a great start to a new year and chapter in your life! Can't wait to see what this chapter has in store for all of us! Best believe I will share all I can...even the ugly stuff :)

Sucker Punched But Smiling

As women we all go through that whole "screw men! i'm going to lose weight, cut my hair and buy a new outfit to make him wish he never (insert stupid thing a guy did to hurt you here)." moment. We always get sad, then angry about the situation. Then we want to change ourselves or something about us to make things better...?

I have no idea how cutting my hair will make me feel better about a dick being a dick. But I too have fallen victim to wanting to change myself to make some dick regret he did something to me. Hell, I just had that moment about 15 minutes ago lol I have no shame admitting this to you all. Soon after though, I asked myself "wait...why do I have to change anything?" Because really, I'm not the problem in this situation. He is the problem so he should change. Or at the very least, try to be less of a dick to future females lol

There is no reason for someone who isn't fucked up in a real way to change themselves just because someone won't like/love/date/marry etc them. There really isn't anything wrong with you. That person most likely just isn't for you, and them being a dick to you, is a sign saying "HEY! YOU CAN DO BETTER!!" A sign we as women (and some men) tend to ignore. We want to keep the rose tinted glasses on and believe we can change the dick or change ourselves to accommodate the dick. When in reality, we just shouldn't have that dick in our lives in a serious manner. Sure, you can be friends with dicks...you just have to accept them as dicks and keep them arms length away. Besides, you have more important people to spend your time with.

There is nothing wrong with changing yourself for.....wait for it....YOURSELF! But please, don't do it for someone that is going to make you jump through hoops to win them over! You know you can do better, so fucking go out there and get you some better honey! And if it takes longer than you would like, to find the "better", then get a hobby, a bottle and a good friend and deal with it. We all know, nothing worth having, comes easy. I believe you shouldn't give in easily either. I rather wait many years for someone who will make me endlessly happy, than to just hop into something with someone who is mildly entertaining. That's just me though....you do what you want...no judgement.

I won't lie...on more than one occasion I've had several great revenge plans in mind. Things to do to myself to make dicks regret hurting me or not giving me a chance. But being the over thinker and seeing both sides of every situation person that I am, I also realized, I'm not the one who needs to create karma, revenge or anything of that nature to make them take notice of what they missed out. If I just keep being my awesome self, keep going about what I want to do for MYSELF AND MY LIFE, everything else will take care of its self. I will keep being awesome and if they happen to finally realize what they missed out on, cool, if not, whatever. It's not going to change me either way. And I believe if you are really honest with yourself, you will see that there is no need to exact revenge on these folks.

I am not going to break out the Christina Aguilara song "Beautiful" because that stuff annoys the crap out of me most times lol But the sentiment is true. You are kickass, whether a dick realizes it or not. It's going to suck continuing to search for someone who will love you for you, but while you are searching/waiting/dating, DO YOU. Make yourself more awesome for YOU and when that person comes around, you will not only be adored but you will know within yourself that it's true and you deserve it!

Happy New Year...thank you for reading, sharing and commenting! I'm definitely going to do more postings next year and hopefully my plan of being adored for my wit, humor and honesty by the masses will come true! mwha ha ha ha ha ha!!!