Love History

That evil little "holiday" is coming up and of course I am against it and all it's stupidity! I have always been anti-Valentine's Day person, so this is nothing new to my friends. But this post isn't about that mess. I don't think I will do one of those this year...might just resurrect an older piece because my feelings haven't changed lol

Today, I was reminded of an Ex I was with a very long time ago (if I say the years, I will make myself cry). So of course I started thinking about ALL of my Ex's and even past lovers. Side note: I LOVE using the word LOVERS! Makes me feel like an adult who has reached past the stage of saying F**k Buddies lol Actually, I only use the word LOVERS for those whom I spent a significant time with and actually cared for. The rest were just flings and I am not talking about them today...ever...ok not ever but not today :P

I am not going to name names, so don't worry, if you are an Ex or Lover of mine, your safe.
My Love History has been pretty interesting. I've had some amazing Ex's and Lovers! These are my top 10 people ya know. The ones who not only made your toes curl but gave you something much deeper and you still think of them fondly today with a wicked smile...yeah, those people :) Let me be clear with something though, some of my Lovers I never slept with and still they made it into my top 10 because of how they touched my life and raised my standards to an amazing level.

The guys I've had the pleasure of knowing on an intimate level have all given me something I needed at the time. Whether it be to show me that not all stereotypes are true about one type of guy or that chivalry is definitely not dead or that love can bloom over thousands of miles; I have taken something good from all of them. I like to think I gave them something they needed as well. Honestly, I know this to be true because even after going our separate ways, we still have a good rapport with one another that isn't just "civil". It's genuine and honest. When you realize things aren't going to work out and you both agree it's best to let go, I have learned through my vast experience, that if true friendship was in the relationship from the start, you can still manage to have that even after it's all said and done. You don't have to cut each other out of your lives completely. Of course you will need the time apart to heal, but down the road if you both still can let the good outweigh the bad, you can keep the friendship afterwards. It's not easy let me tell you that! But it's very much possible, if you try!

My Love History, has made me see what I am capable of in a relationship. What my limits are. Also, how I have grown since my first major relationship. I use to refer to myself as the Puppy Healer when it came to my dating life. I would somehow get these wounded little puppies and nurse them back to health. They would grow, mature and have their hearts become whole once again. Then when they were ready to venture out into the big world as grown dogs, they would tell me how wonderful of a friend I was and how awesome of a woman I am. BUT, in the same breath they would tell me they met this wonderful girl who does bla bla bla and is bla bla bla and they can't wait for me to meet her or tell me more about her. What? Is this happening for real? Yes...it did...repeatedly!!! I honestly, can't count how many times that happened to me and I pretty much felt like a care-taker of the brokenhearted. I was a shelter. No one wants to be a shelter! That shit is crazy and does things to your self esteem like you wouldn't believe. In the end though, as much as it hurt me, now that I look back at it, I did something good for womankind! I helped those puppies become better people and not hate the female race. I helped someone heal from some times really deep wounds and pushed them back out there to love again. Look at me...I'm the Man Whisperer!! :) Some of them went on to have great families and are still being amazing to this day. Of course there were some that fell off the wagon and are still being wounded puppies, but you can't win them all. And I certainly am not in the Puppy Healing business anymore. I've graduated to Guy Whisperer now damn it LOL My years of dealing with guys has given me a vast amount of knowledge and I am thankful for that. I know how to be the good female friend AND the fantastic girlfriend. And guess what...I can do both with one special person if he is lucky to get me ;)

I am damn proud of my Love History! Why? Because the caliber of guys in my top 10 are pretty damn awesome, so to speak. How can I say that when it didn't work out? Because no matter what happened between us, I can always appreciate, love and respect the person they are. I can look outside of what we had...be objective not just subjective about who the person is. These Ex's and Lovers of mine are...not to brag...but some are the cream of the crop! Maybe, I'm a little biased...oh well, I've earned it! I've been very blessed to not have dated or experienced true dogs, that have left me bitter towards all men. Yes, I've dated some dogs but they aren't in my top 10...no way, no how. But even the "dogs" weren't all that bad...just not on my level. We all do stupid shit, you can't hold that against someone forever if you want to be a happy person. I've never been completely smitten with the "bad boy" type so I've never had my heart broken by such. My top 10 Love History consists of men who always had a job/career, love their mothers, respect women hands down, chivalrous, manly men, adventurous, simple and complex, goal orientated and just plain good guys.

NOW WAIT! I know what you are thinking. If they were all that then why didn't it work out? Oh hhmmm? How can I put this in a short answer? At the end of the day, there was something whether it be on my end or their end that was a deal breaker, so to speak. Something made it clear, we were at the end of our time together. The Ex's and Lovers in my top 10, none of them ended due to cheating or something major like that. That's why they are in my top 10 duh! I guess, that's why I still am in contact with most of my top 10. There is no malice with them. We all make our own beds and we all have to sleep in them. If that means we can no longer be together, then so be it. But if you were a true friend to me before we got together, we can usually pull out the friendship from underneath all the rubble. If not, that's ok too. I wish you all the best still.

What is my point to all this?? I guess my point is this: No matter how fucked up or in some cases awesome your Love History is, realize that you survived it and you are a better person for it. Also realize, all this beta testing (nerdism spilled out sorry! lol) you been going through, just means you are getting closer to the real test that won't even feel like a test and will last much longer! A friend had to remind me of that recently. I had to think about this last situation I was in as half full, not half empty. I am getting closer to the next awesome relationship. We are all just one kiss and one late night conversation away from meeting our next happy place person! The past is suppose to prepare you for this person. So don't ignore it and wish it never happened! Be glad it happened and that it's the past. Because if it were your current, you would be miserable and missing out on the great person coming your way :)

If you are indeed one of my Ex's or Lovers reading this, I want to say from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!! Not sure if you are in my top 10? Here is how you know...do we still keep in touch and I haven't sent you any angry messages lately and I know who you are when you text me? Then yes, you are in my top 10 and you have permission to brag about being in some awesome chicks top 10 best Ex's/Lovers to your friends, if you so wish. I know how the male ego works ;) I thank you because you always accepted me for me. The good memories outweigh the bad. You made me smile from within during our time. You are still a good person no matter how we ended. You have changed me for the better and that is always a GOOD THING!