Not In Vain

There are things we don't want for people in our lives. Even if things don't go how we want them to go, there are things we don't want to happen for the sake of others happiness. At least that's how i am. Some people wish bad things on others for their own selfish reasons. I don't want anything bad to happen really. I just want their choices to be better and lead them to better things.

Alas though, i can't save everyone. Hell i can't save anyone really. They have to save themselves. They have to want to make better choices for a better life. They have to want to take a not so good situation and make better situations after that. I wish i could beat some people upside the head and stop them from doing things that make their lives harder. But i can't be everywhere either. Perhaps it's just me wanting the best in everyone to come out more often than it does. I want people to be more of the rockstar i know they can be. Yet, when they fail, in a sense, it disappoints me. Not because i wanted something from them. But because i wanted something BETTER FOR THEM.

Feels like my efforts are a bit in vain. Like no matter what i do or say, none of it matters because people are going to do whatever they want. So, when that happens and they need someone to lean on...i have a choice to make as well. Do i do the "i told you so" dance and rub salt in the wound OR do i give them a little smack on the back of the head while embracing them and letting them know, everything will be just fine and i will always be there for them?? If it's someone i am very close to, of course i embrace them...no judgement, just support. If it's someone i'm not too close too, i still embrace them without judgement but i might remove myself from their world a bit. I have found some times the best help you can give someone is pointing them in a different direction and walking away.

Being a helper is exhausting at times. Being someone with a huge heart, understanding and desire to help others is taxing on the mind, body and spirit. Some times your fails are my fails. Your pain is my pain. Your joy is my joy. Your awesomeness is my awesomeness. I truly do love being supportive for my friends and family. But i won't lie...some of yall wear me the fuck out! lol Will this stop me from doing what in some sense is my life's purpose...absolutely not. But it does mean when i celebrate life and all my awesomeness i savor every single second of it!

So if you can relate to this...being a helper, healer, taking care of people in any capacity...know you are not alone. Yes, its straining and stressful at times but if your heart is in the right place, it's very much worth it! Our hearts are big so we can give love to all those who need it. We are awesome! Just please, don't forget about taking care of yourself! YOU can't help others, if you don't help yourself. Take time for YOU...you deserve it! And seriously, when no one is looking, dance around like crazy to release the stress you are holding on your shoulders...then laugh because you look insane but who gives a fuck =)