Peace For Me

Sometimes, even at the strong suggestion against it from our friends, we have to close chapters with people. I do it for my own sanity and peace. I do it to show forgiveness for my own lack of great judgement. I also do it because sometimes I don't want the person who treated me not so great, to feel that bad about it. This usually only happens when I believe the person is a good soul overall, they just made some shitty choices. Also, when I'm not really damaged or even scarred by their actions, it's much easier to give them a break and call it a wash. 

People tend to just want to bash someone because it didn't go the way they wanted. One little slip up and they tar and feather the poor soul. So what, they did the typical douchey douche thing. You didn't lose anything in the situation. You might not gain anything either, so really, there is no need to crucify the person. Granted, thinking about taking a metal bat to their knee does cross my mind. But say a public shaming or evil laced phone calls isn't needed. Show your resilience and strength by forgiving and moving forward. I know for me, my spirit is happier when I do that. I can lay it all to rest. Delete all the memories, texts, photos all that and let it fade from memory in time. 

IF by some chance the person didn't take up too much of your time, you got lucky and it's easier to shake off. Alas, the longer folks absorb and abuse our time, the longer it may take to remove them from our lives. But it will happen, you just gotta let time do it's thing. And don't beat yourself up over it too much. We all have a little masochist in us. And we all know when we should STOP doing something. But if we consciously ignore the gut and do something that we know will probably upset us down the road, then we also consciously accept the consequences of the masochistic actions we take. So own your stupid leaps of faith that ended up with you splattered on the floor of regret and self pity. Hopefully you learned something after the splat. I've learned something from this splat indeed. I can't say I will NEVER do it again, I just know I'll have a better look if something similar comes around again. 

We are only human. And we will hurt one another even when we mean not too. Doesn't mean everyone is out to get you and you should "trust no one". Just means you gotta watch folks more, guard yourself but don't close yourself off to everyone. There are still amazing people out there who want to make you happy. And you need to continue going and making people AND yourself happy. So not to use a completely overused saying now but yeah...let it go, forgive and keep moving forward!

This is dedicated to my girl Tierra who has taught me in her own way, to not take certain situations so seriously and just live your life. 

Small Impacts

The other day at work while we were trying to get all the customers out of the store so we could go home much earlier than expected, i met a woman who was staring at our sock wall...particularly the Happy Socks.

At this point in the closing procedures we are just approaching customers and asking if they need any final help, because we are closing up shop. I asked was she doing ok and she said she was having a hard time deciding on some socks for her 24 year old niece who has cancer. Well, my history of cancer with family and friends is strong so whenever i meet someone who has it or has family/friend battling it and they are just trying to give them a little happiness and hope, it hits my heart instantly. The ones she was holding weren't that cute so i suggested some other ones and she liked them and another pair as well. We didn't go into what kind of cancer it was or anything of that nature. We focused on getting her niece something fun and cool. I could tell she was at a loss and just wanted to do something to make her niece smile. We laughed about how they are called "Happy Socks" and i told her, they will bring her good vibes just having them. She was very thankful. Part of me wanted to hug her but i figured that would be too weird. I mean i get weirded out and annoyed when customers touch me so yeah lol

She went on her way and i finished cleaning up my department and went home.

I don't know if i did anything super special for her. I don't know if i was that much of a help. I don't know if her niece will like the socks. I don't know if they will make her smile. I only spent 10mins with her but for the rest of the week at least, this woman and her niece will be on my mind and in my heart and prayers.

People look down on those of us in the service industry thinking it's not a responsible or "adult enough" job to have. They treat us bad and think we can't do any better for ourselves. They also think we don't make a difference. My job is thankless and endlessly repetitive and tiresome. But once in awhile, clients cross my paths and for a brief moment we help one another...i mean truly help each other with whatever is going on. Granted hearing about your deceased cat and how you are shopping to help heal your wounds, can get a little awkward. BUT clearly, we are meant to cross paths with these people for a reason. Whether it's for them to help us, or for us to help them...it's meant to be that way.

Who knows, maybe she will be back with better news about her niece and getting more Happy Socks. I just know that brief encounter made me appreciate where I am at as a person. It helped me continue to do something i love doing...help and be there for others during difficult times. It fed my soul some comfort to know that i was chosen, out of all of us in that store at the very moment to be there for her and make her smile.

No matter what we do as a job, it doesn't mean it's any less meaningful than what anybody else does. We need to keep ourselves open to new people, experiences and life. You never know what could happen. And keep being thankful (even when we hate where we are) for what we have and share it with others as often as we can.

Side note...just before i sat down to write this, my Ninja Grandpa made some crashing sounds in the living room. I went to see what happened. Alas, his awesome ninja strength caused him to pull down another vertical blind from our window. Initially i wanted to ask him what on earth was he doing and tell him to stop being so violent with the blinds lol But with this story being written in my mind at that moment, i took a deep breath and told him it was fine, we will just add it to the pile...yes...there is a pile...6 going on all 20. Sometimes i don't know whether to laugh or cry with the stuff that happens in my house lol WOOOOSSAAA!!

Tiny Stories

I've been writing little stories since March of this year. Not sure how it came about but I really do enjoy what's been happening. As someone who does poetry and short stories, this is a huge adventure in self control. The idea of just taking a small piece of an idea or moment and putting it into a nice little bundle is difficult yet exciting. Think of it as  putting that moment you had that you keep replaying over in your head...it's a tiny story. There is no background info, no intro and no conclusion. It's just a moment. Kind of like a picture. Hope that makes sense. If not, don't worry, just read on and let me know what you think!

For clarification purposes, they don't have titles, just dates when they were created.

3/2014

That moment we stood face to face, almost touching but not. Letting the music flow around us. I smelled you. Wanted to devour you. But held back and kept my composure but knew there was no turning back. Didn't want too anyways. Made an excuse to touch you. The huntress has locked up with her prey and there is no way either of them would get out alive. But who's to say...that wasn't YOUR plan...
copyrighted AMA 2014

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4/2014
I watch you perform. You draw me into your world with no regret. I cannot stop wondering what goes through your mind, your body, as you move me with sound. You fall deeper into your zone. Pulling all the strings to our souls. Moving, shifting, engulfing space and time...all with your fingers. The drama unfolds all around you. Still you keep pushing the limits. Your passion becomes ours and the room is filled with a thickness. The rise and fall. The back and forth. The complete and utter dominance over us, is all yours and we gladly submit to your whims. There is no turning back. It's all left on the floor. YOU pulled it out of yourself and gave it to us to devour. And in return, we give you all the love that only the joy of life can exhibit during these times of pure happiness.
copyrighted AMA 2014

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6/2014
She grabbed him by the shirt collar and whispered in his ear, that it would be the end of them if he even considered hurting her. That they both agreed to cross this line together. All cards showing, no jokers in the deck. Normally, he would laugh and say something along the lines of "baby you know i would never" but the tone in her voice and the look in her eyes made it clear to him, this was a WOMAN...not a girl. And if he wanted to keep her around, he would have to be a MAN...not a boy. She was offering him something so very special and unique. She assured him, he was the only one she wanted but didn't hesistate to remind him, there was a line of suitors waiting to take his place if he slipped up. Clearing his throat, he pulled her closer by the hips and whispered into her ear something that made her loosen her grip on him and smile wickedly. Finally...a man that could give her that strong hand she yearned for. 
copyrighted AMA 2014

The Lost Art of Making Out

So many guys have chosen to bypass the whole seduction of kissing a woman endlessly because they just want to hurry up and stick their dick in her. They think it's a waste of time. They think it's old school and doesn't work. These poor, pathetic guys are the ones who don't get the ladies all hot and bothered...genuinely hot and bothered because they just give her a few pecks and then jam it in and hope she is ready. When most times, she isn't and she just fakes it to get it over with. Trust me, she isn't as ready as she claims and if you were smart enough to take time to get to know women on that deeper level, you would know the difference. 

I am a HUGE FAN of making out. I get over the moon excited when i think about the kissing certain guys. Hell, i get more excited about the possibility of kissing a guy that I'm crushing on, than i do about having actual sex with him. Not to say i don't get excited about getting freaky with him but for me...it all starts with the kissing. If he can't kiss me and enjoy the making out, then I have a hard time going much further. 

Remember when you were a teenager and all you could do was make out? Just sit and kiss, kiss, kiss for hours on end and it was the BEST THING EVER?! Us girls would run and tell our girlfriends how good of kisser he is; touching our lips every time we think about it. Then wondering when we could do it again. Guys would grin around their friends and say they don't "kiss and tell" lol Which clearly mean't they got to make out and grind jeans together lol Either way, guys were more into taking their time to make out with a girl because it got her super hot. In some cases, we would grab them and start rushing them to do more because we were so turned on by the kissing lol Either way...it was a great thing. My generation (I'm in my early 30s for the record) and the ones before us will always know the awesomeness of making out as a teenager and the joy it brought us. A decent amount of us still enjoy it to this day very much so! I feel bad for these generations that will never know that feeling. 

I don't know why guys are so quick to just stick a female! Did a memo go out that said, "Women no longer like making out, just rip their pants off and give them the dick." Because if so, that memo is a bold face lie and does nobody justice! Guys, trust me when i say, making out is a good thing! It's a very good thing. It shows you want to take the time to get her going and care about HER, not just YOU. It also prolongs the passion and heat. Unless you both agree to a quickie, most times, we don't want a "wham bam, thank you ma'am" session. We want it to go longer than 20 minutes. If you can hold out with just kissing her for 20 minutes, she will give you so much more than you expected. I'm not going anywhere near details on the awesome guys I've been so lucky to make out with and what it gets them in return lol Just know...if you haven't made out with someone in awhile, you are missing out on something wonderful and magical. 

Nobody said you have to rush into anything. Take your time. Savor the person, the moment, the connecting. It's really something special if done right.

This is dedicated to all the guys who still know how to seduce a woman by just kissing her. You are the best.

Groove

When i go dancing, i go all out. I love feeling the bass boom through my feet all the way to the tips of my fingers. I love the atmosphere of sharing the same joy with strangers. Whether it's in a hot club in Vegas or a pool party or in a museum surrounded by stuffed animals, i love it all. I experience it with my whole being and everything is perfect for that moment. The sweat dripping down my face, the sway of my hips, the need to move even if I don't know the song...it's everything. It. Is. Everything. Even when I was feeling tired of bumping into people, trying to find my girls in darkness and flashing lights and my feet hurt, if i was able to shake it, i did. I'm the girl dancing at the bar while waiting for the bartender to get to me. I'm the one dancing through the crowd, trying to get to the bathroom. I'm the one dancing up and down the stairs saying hello to the security guards. I'm the one dancing in line, trying to get into a place. I'm the one dancing. I may not have the best moves, the sexiest outfit on or look like "that girl" but I am going to have the best time I can. While all the other girls are barely moving because their feet are killing them, I'm jumping up and down to the EDM and getting my swerve on to the bangin hip hop bass. I make friends without even trying. When you don't care and just have a good time, you find those people in the crowd as well and before you know it, you're booty bumping, shoulder bouncing with someone just as cool as you. Hell, i even run into them if i move to another room and we are happy to do it all over again!

While in Vegas, something magical happened while we were at Encore Beach Club. It would be so random but fit so perfectly. The wind would kick up during the rising crescendo of whatever song was blasting and everyone would throw their hands up and feel the love and power of nature and human spirit become one. A few guys tried to talk to me while i danced, hair flying everywhere and I wasn't trying to be rude, but I had no time for them lol Especially when a few of my faves played. I was flying high on life and joy...i have no time for your shenanigans! They were all perverts anyways lol

And of course while dancing with my bestie Michelle, we always have a great time singing the lyrics and really letting loose. We can always sense the tension just leaving us and really letting go! Of course, having a few drinks in you doesn't hurt either lol We dance like nobody is watching and don't care if they are. Isn't that what it's all about anyways? Feeling alive!

I could talk for hours about each night we danced in Vegas. I could talk about the good times we had where ever we went. How we danced with strangers on the street. How i danced with a chick in the long line for the bathroom. How i danced while my girls complained about it being too cold and windy to be outside and i begged them for 5 more minutes lol How we all sang loud and proud to the old school songs at Body English and enjoyed every second of it! I could go on for days...but I won't. You just had to be there. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the withdrawals from this trip but I know blasting a lil music and dancing in my room will surely help :)

Velvet Rope Revisited

OK so Janet's Velvet Rope came out in 1997. I was a teenager going through lots during that time. I didn't care that it got bad reviews, I love me some Janet and I was going to love the album, period, right? Wrong. I actually didn't warm up to it at all for almost 6 months after getting it. I didn't "get it". I didn't understand what was the message of all the randomness and interludes. There as no flow with the songs at all.

Cut to me being in Chicago with my fam bam and I talked to my brother Steph about it (we are both huge fans). He had to explain to me that "Janet is feeling herself right now. Doesn't matter if it makes sense, it's her album her way and you have to take it one track at a time." I kind of understood but still, it was weird lol Then he said, "You will get it when you are older." Well who wants to hear that?! I've always been wise beyond my years, so I just didn't understand why he would tell me such a cliche.

Then I got older. I no longer had her posters all over my walls and all that. No more BSB either haha Around the age of 23 I rediscovered Velvet Rope and it all became much clearer. Steph said "Told you so" lol

NOW, being around the same age she was when she recorded the album, I get it even more so. She was a collection of these fun and sexy things. Layers upon layers that were all being shown via the album. I can relate MUCH MORE to the songs now. I've lived where I get the underlying messages. I get why she had to curse (something new for her on albums), why there was pain, anger, naughty, fun, silly and growth in this album. I also see why people didn't like it...they didn't get it. Us fans were still loving poppy and dancy Janet, not ready for the heavy and deeper Janet. Did it stop me from going to the concert? Hells no! Did it stop me from knowing all the words to my mom's disdain in some cases? Hells no! LOL

It's always amazing how something can grow with us and though we don't fully understand it, in time we do and it's even more special. I've loved Janet when everybody else was on the Michael fan base. She is probably one of few artists I've literally grown up with and loved through all the ups and downs and questionable moments (don't get me started on JD!). She was like the big sister I never had. I don't know if I am as awesome or ever will be as she is in my own mind. I do know I got those layers too. And I'm proud of them. Velvet Rope is a trip and a half but it's nice to finally get the whole picture and love it even more.

Music...such a beautiful trip no matter who you are and what you like.

My favorite track from Velvet Rope, "I Get Lonely" (don't act like you don't know!) Also, love the track she did with Q-Tip! Always made me wonder what they did mmhhmm I ain't mad at all gurl! lol

Rant About Oscars

Ok...I'm going to say it. And if you don't like it, I don't really care. It is what it is.

We all knew 12 Years a Slave was going to win. Don't act like it's big, new and exciting news. We knew this was going to happen. Every time a slave movie comes out, OF COURSE it's going to win all the awards and get all the hype and all that stuff. It's like for a moment in time, everyone who is on whatever committee that decides these things, says "Yes...that movie was great, it needs an award. Because if we don't, they will all be mad at us and we don't want that. Yes, give the black movie an award. That was easy." I'm so over this. I'm over slave movies, over people making money off of slavery. It's not something that needs to be repeatedly depicted on some grand level. Are we trying to make people feel guilty or trying to appease a certain type of people so they stop trying to revolt against us? Are we scared to NOT give it an award? Why in the world are we even GIVING AWARDS?!

There is no real rhyme or reason for all these award shows. All we need is one for all the movies that were worthy the prior year and call it a day. Stop giving all these awards for the same damn movie all year long! You got an Oscar...that's all you need! Just that. No more. Maybe a SAG one too but that's truly it! These things have become nothing but shallow, flashy, instagram events. Oh let's applaud us doing our job and what we love, yes, lets give each other statues made in a 3rd world country to show each other how awesome we are. Let's play dress up everybody!! Don't get me wrong, i love dressing up and going out. But i can find 1000 other things to do than sit for hours, in an amazing outfit, all done and clapping for hours on end. Why not just have a damn party and be like "You are all awesome actors, let's drink!" and call it a bloody day? Nonsense the lot of it, i tell you!

When Will Smith trotted out on stage WE ALL KNEW, what movie was going to win! COME ON NOW! If 12 Years a Slave didn't win...Oprah, Kobe, Al Sharpton and every other over dramatic person, would have all tweeted, facebooked and instragramed the hell out of social media about the movie losing. It would have become a media storm of epic proportions in the entertainment world. Hell regular news stations would even report about it, because ya know...nothing else important is going on in the world. And if SOMEBODY ASKED OBAMA ABOUT IT...I SWEAR!

*give me a minute*

Now, please...don't you EVER THINK I don't support good movies, good actors and all that. I do. I love film! I appreciate it on a whole other level. And I am not saying 12 Years a Slave wasn't a great film (it should be said, i haven't seen it yet...doesn't make my points any less valid though and if you think so, you clearly don't get it.) What I am saying is...let's stop with the slave movies. Let's stop giving people awards because you feel guilty about things done in the past. Stop making it "ok" about things done in the past. It wasn't OK. It will never BE OK. But it happened and we need to accept it and move on from it. I don't want there to be some movie about gays coming out either about their struggle and we give that an award just to appease that group of people. I'd feel the same way if it was a gay, hispanic, albiano or any other minority film. A golden statue isn't going to make it better. It's so fucking shallow to think it will too.

I can hear some of you now...but the struggle is real, the fight is still going on...bla bla bla

Screw all that noise! Let's be real, shall we...

The struggle is put upon yourself after all these years. If you can't get shit together that's on YOU. NOT someone else. If someone doesn't want you to work at a company because of your race, sexual orientation etc. screw them! Move on...find a company that WILL hire you based on your experience and not the other stuff. Don't act like you are being held back because of these things. You aren't. The only thing holding you back is YOU! If you have a tattoo and they don't want you to have one...you got 2 choices to make...leave the job or cover the tattoo. But don't act like "society is holding me down because of my ink, man" SHUT UP WITH THAT NONSENSE! You can do whatever the hell you want. You can be whatever the hell you want. You don't have to let ignorance hold you back. You dont' have to let close minded people keep you from your goals. And you don't have to accept pity anything. People like to play off bribes and appeasing someone with things like promotions, gifts, extra vacation days, extra food and lots of other things to try and make up for their ignorance, bigotry, homophobia, racism and all those other personality issues. You don't have to deal with that. You can get up, walk away and make your own damn path of awesomeness!

Everyone in 12 Years a Slave deserved to make something great. They are all great at what they do. I support the art of making a film. The art of writing a film. The art of actors. The art of film as a whole is amazing and should be supported. But I don't like the dumbing down and shallow mirror these awards shows bring to the art. Instead of giving it all these awards, why not just let it be in theaters longer for more people to watch. Why not bring down the price of a damn movie ticket. Why not release it all over so EVERYONE has a chance to see it and celebrate it. Why not give the heartfelt films bigger budgets and not just hype up the blockbusters all the damn time. And when it goes to DVD, stop jacking up the price because of all the extras. And stop watering it down when it hits cable tv. Because I am so tired of seeing the watered down version of ROOTS all over the damn place! Maybe that's another reason why I'm over slave movies. ROOTS was it. We didn't need another version of it. We didn't need 10 more films showing how slaves had it hard and all that mess. We got it...we got ROOTS...we don't need anymore. The same goes for Jesus films and movies about cars going fast (i'm just saying, don't hate the truth!)

Lastly...Mr. AlrightAlrightAlright didn't deserve that award. I don't care what anyone says. NO. NOPE. NO. I don't understand how DiCaprio got snubbed AGAIN! He is 1000 times better than McCoughney will ever hope to be! He embodies one of the best acting talents we have ever seen. And if he just couldn't have it, why not Bale? BALE! Who cares if he was Batman (though i LOOOOVVEEE Batman), he can act circles around McCoughney as well and still got snubbed! But you know what, it's all good. Because both Bale and DiCaprio will still keep doing amazing work! They will keep taking us to places we didn't even know were real. They will keep pumping out phenomenal work and McCoughney will just bang his bangos, make more babies and talk about that one time he won an Oscar. I loathe that man. Can barely make sense let alone a good movie.

That's all i got. You hate it or love it, I don't care. I'mma still be me and I'mma still keep posting my thoughts, no matter what anyone thinks! DO YOU!!