Lose the Anchor

You know that person (or people) you keep begging to hangout with? Or in some cases just "catch up" with. The person you are always texting, facebooking, twittering, instagraming, etc. to try and get their attention. The person you want to just have a solid 30mins with to keep the bond of friendship (or whatever relationship you have with them) going and make stronger. The person you keep extending an olive branch too just to have it hanging there, slowly dying, like your hope to be in their presence again. That person who keeps absorbing your mental time.

Yeah, that person. Fuck that person. And i say that with love and respect to them and your relationship with them but seriously, fuck that person.

I can say that because duh yeah i've been there. I am sort of there right now actually. And it's taken some deep thinking and looking at the bigger picture to realize, that i am carrying more than half of this friendship. No matter how long we've been friends. No matter what we have done together in the past and present. No matter how deep our feelings for one another might be. There is no reason to be carrying more than my fair share of the friendship.

Now before people start moaning and groaning about "special circumstances and situations" let's get some perspective. We have all heard it said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. If someone wants to talk to you, be with you, all of that stuff, they will make an effort to do so. And I myself have said this repeatedly. Yes, there are special circumstances and situations, i agree. Sometimes, distance, time, work, life etc. gets in the way, yes. But really...nobody is so absorbed in their life that they can't show some sign of recognition of your friendship and wanting to continue on with it. There doesn't need to be some giant declaration of love and what not, nope. Just a simple text or hell, a "like" on FB can cure most doubts of "do they even know i still exist" out of most people's heads. Because we want to be assured we are still on people's radars. Especially, when they are heavily on our own radar. We want to know that they still care. Even in the middle of craziness, knowing your people are still YOUR PEOPLE is what we want when it comes to long lasting relationships.

I am a giver. It's a curse and blessing. I give of myself far too much and far too often to the ones i care about. No matter what is going on in my life, i am always there for them and will give them whatever they need to make them feel better and know that somebody cares. To let them know they will always have someone in their corner...unless they do something super stupid and i have to walk away altogether. But even then, part of me will always be like "damn...what if they really need me...i should give them another shot...maybe...i don't know." It's hard for me to put away a friendship. I cherish my friends deeply. And so i will take on more of the friendship to make sure it lasts, until something happens to shake me up and realize "HEY STUPID! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CARE ABOUT THEM! SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!" That's when the "we need to talk" situation happens. The last time i had to do that, gave the person one more shot and they failed again, so i had to walk away. That was over 2 years ago now. And a small part of me still wonders do they miss me...i don't miss them...but do they miss me? Because i was an awesome friend to them, that they didn't deserve clearly. Like i said...blessing and a curse.

Life goes on though. And you will be fine letting that person go. Sometimes we have to walk away from someone for them to see how awesome we are. Sometimes they never see it. And that's fine. You have to realize, not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Though you wish them to be, it's not going to happen. Not everyone deserves to be in your life forever anyways! Could you imagine that? Every person you THOUGHT was meant to be in your life forever actually is? That friend from 2nd grade that always had the best lunches...yeah...do you really need that person in your life forever? If they aren't in your life now...I'm just saying.

It sounds like an asshole, bitch thing to do, but sometimes you gotta be the asshole bitch. You deserve a friend (or whatever your relationship is) that puts in the same effort as you do. No matter who it is. No matter where they are. No matter what they do. Fair is fair. And if you feel like you are doing more than you should to keep the friendship going, maybe it's time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and make some decisions. You can have a talk with them, be honest about how you feel and go from there. You can't control how people will react but you can control how you act. If they value and respect your friendship, they will be honest with you as well and you can go from there. Sometimes you both know it has to end. Sometimes they realize they have been slacking off as a friend and want to make things right (and will truly do so making your bond even tighter). Sometimes they don't care and you gotta kick them to the curb. Whatever the outcome is, take it in stride. You did what you could to make it work and if it fails, so be it. Not the end of the world. Besides, when you release an anchor of a person from your life, it literally helps you become more open to meeting and making new friends. There are MILLIONS of people out there. Not all of them are keepers. But the ones that are, are looking for you, just like you are looking for them. Stop letting someone weigh you down and carry a heavy load. Fuck that person. You're awesome and you will continue to be awesome without them.