A True Story

I feel there should be a solid truth written in here every now and then to show more of who i am (and other authors who they are) from time to time. So here is a quickie story about well...a skill i stumbled upon.

Back in the summer of 2000 i was in a relationship that had gotten really serious really fast. I was spending most of my free time with this guy. My mom liked him, we had mutual friends who approved of our togetherness and overall we had a very good time together. Alas though like some relationships i got very bored after about 6 months. Not of him, but of our activities or lack there of...indoors and outdoors...if you catch my drift lol

Anyways, being the person that i am, realistic romantic, it was always really hard for me to write love or "mushy" poems and stories. I could do sentimental things and of course dark pieces but to really pull that "love" feeling out of me and into words was damn near impossible. I always hated when people would ask me to write a love poem for their significant other. It's just something i couldn't do without days of stress; which annoyed me the most because i could do anything else within hours, sometimes even minutes!

One day though, after a long conversation with my good friend Jay, i started thinking about short stories that involved couples. About a few days of pondering and waiting for my muse, my boyfriend cancelled some plans we had (upsetting me to no end) and 10mins later i was typing away my first "adult" story. Which now of course i have come to accept being called erotica.

I honestly never set out to write this stuff. I just wrote what i wished would happen between my boyfriend and i. When i tell this to some people they think it's a reflection of my boyfriend not giving me what i needed, but really that isn't the case at all. He was/is a great person and I’ve never said anything less about him in that regard. But you also have to understand we were young. I was just starting to explore my sexy side and so i had all these wonderful thoughts of things i wanted to do and try in my head from years of reading Cosmo magazine (which no girl under 25 should be reading! I’m convinced it's just horny old women writing ridiculous nonsense!).

Whatever the reasons though, i was able to take all that energy and create worlds of pleasure, love and life in nice little packages. At the time i was pushing out about 2 solid stories and 6 outlines for new ones a week. Even a few times after being intimate with my boyfriend, after he left i would hop on my laptop and pump out a 4 pager without a break lol I was clearly inspired by my new adventures in my own life. A few months later i ended my relationship with my boyfriend because it was time to just move on. I did suffer a block because i suddenly became less active and writing about it made me feel more alone. Thankfully though that passed and i was doing my dirty lil stories once again by the fall of 2001.

I was (and still am) very shy about letting my friends know about my stories. I only trusted a handful of my friends with this information. And now well...all of you reading this know lol Back then though, i believe Jay, my brother and one other person knew of my stories and actually got to read some. I trusted Jay because he is a writer (and a dear friend) as well and i knew he would give me very honest critiques about them. My brother on the other hand didn't have much to say because it was weird coming from his little sister basically lol That i totally understood though and didn't bother him much more unless he asked for a few new ones. Time went on and i shared a few of my favorites with other people...mostly guys...and got the same reaction over and over again. All i will say is, all of my stories have been enjoyed...repeatedly lol I love how people want to praise you for things many of us have been taught to believe are taboo. At the core of all of my stories, there is a relationship. All of my characters are fictional but each female possesses a piece of my personality, while each male possesses a piece of one of my male friend's or ex's personality. Most people can't pick themselves out, even if i show them a story that has them in it. I suppose that's one of the signs of a good writer.

I am very defensive about my stories when some people try to categorize it as "smut" because it's anything but that. And I will go into greater detail about how I feel on all that in another post. Just about every story has very real love threaded through them. Of course there are some stories that are just quick and dirty because let's be honest, in real life there are quick and dirty moments...sure you might not be proud of them but damn it they happen! I really strive hard to write these stories as realistic as possible. I don't think any of my stories could not truly happen in real life. Some of them actually did...to me...but i will let you figure that out on your own lol

I remember one friend of mine telling me after reading a few stories, "aside from the raging that is going on in my jeans right now, i really like the fact that i can't tell if you have done this or not and i have known you for so long! I like how it's coming from you. Very unassuming and at times down right shocking! On a purely editorial level you have a gift for detail that some writers are missing vastly. You pretty much put the movie in their face and dare them not to watch and then dare them further not to enjoy it. Once again your gift of writing has risen to a new level!"

At the end of the day, that's what makes me proud and feel less shy to show these stories to people. Of course i am still very apprehensive about sharing them on a completely open platform like this blog. But the baby step i am taking here i believe is heading towards that direction. There are some i am really proud of that if you ask me nicely i will share with you. But don't hold your breath on anything coming out in this blog anytime soon lol

My Mama Told Me...

I find it really funny that the company i work for charges almost 3 times as much for a small bottle of lotion and shower gel when you can get 4 times as much for just $4 at say Target, Walmart etc.

There are lots of other companies using the same scents that mine does. And some of them have no shame in calling it the same exact name! Oh and it smells exactly the same! Some of them even have more attractive bottles. I always smell the competitions scents and marvel at how much you get for so much less! Sure it might not do exactly the same thing but at the end of the day it's just as good if...dare i say...better! Some really big personal hygiene companies that have been around much longer than my company are not stupid and playing their cards perfectly. I told my friend the other day while we perused Target "once i get rid of all this (company name) stuff i have, i'm definitely trying this other stuff. I mean look at it...12oz for $4!! And it smells exactly the same."

I know there is always a huge mark-up when it comes to retail. Everything from clothes to body care to shoes gets marked up so much, you almost cry when you hear the true numbers of what it takes to make the products. And you wonder why people make their own stuff. We are still in a recession, i don't care what anyone says. It truly does pay to shop around and get great deals.

Maybe it's just the shopper in me that my mother raised me to be. But i really don't like the price of what my company charges people for smaller bottles. Yet, because so many people get hooked on things without shopping around, they buy into the hype and then wonder why their pay check is gone with one purchase. Don't get me wrong, my company does supply some really amazing products...most of my faves are 3rd party products though. The self titled ones i could really care less for now. I've been around them for so long, i know the real deal, it's hard for me to give into the hype anymore. In fact i haven't bought anything from them in a long time and i'm proud of that!

I have to admit though, i do buy some super priced body care products and i have no shame in admitting it lol I am a Philosophy whore and have no issues pumping out $16 for a body wash but seriously, its 16oz so i'm getting twice as much as i would with my company's size! And i swear Philosophy's washes last a lifetime! My collection is growing and i don't plan on stopping =) I have to get my peach scent fix somewhere! My company has done away with all the awesome fruit smells and so i gotta get mine else where and the competition from Target to Sephora has no issues giving the people what they want! To me, that's real customer service.

My point is, shop around and don't think you have to be loyal to just one brand. Variety is the spice of life! Besides, isn't it about what YOU WANT and not what THEY want you to buy?

Booo Spring!!

Everyone is all getting ready for flirting and planting their seeds. Stupid tv shows about being married, single life, dating, bla bla bla basically giving you a How-To guide on being desperate. Whatever Spring! I don't need a reminder about birds and bees and my singleness!

My dear friend Sadies, said "i can picture you on a street corner in a nice neighborhood on a megaphone goin WAKE UP! IM RIGHT HERE GUYS!" And honestly, i can see that too lol I'm pretty sure if it comes to that point i have a few friends i can recruit to hold signs up lol

I am not desperate enough for that...yet. But i am definitely champoning myself as a good catch from here on out, more so...loudly and proudly =) You should do it too, if you are awesome! Think of it as an in person resume. Put your best qualities first and know that you can back up everything you offer and then some! Rock star yourself and just remember...this too shall pass.

65%

Women are notorious for settling when it comes to many things in life. We settle when it comes to not spending money on something we really want because we have to support someone else or pay someone else for something. We settle on where we live, what we eat, who we talk too, where we work and so many other things usually for the "greater good" of everyone else. We put ourselves last in almost everything we do. And for the most part when we do this, everyone knows and or sees it. Not because we want the attention but we feel people need to know what we are sacrificing for someone else to be happy instead of making ourselves happy. So we announce our feelings in hopes that someone will have mercy on us and say something to make us feel less "last place" in our own lives.

Men on the other hand, rarely settle when it comes to things in their lives. They will fight tooth and nail over which beer is better. They will research for months to find the perfect sound system, computer, phone, or anything techie. They hate bad steaks and will constantly tell you where the best steak they ever had was. They even put thought into the jeans they are going to wear for particular things (they just like to pretend they don't but they do). Men don't settle as much as women do. They don't think about the greater good as the first option...usually. For the most part they think about what is good for them AND THEN what is good for everyone else. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing.

The one thing though that some guys get a little lazy about and seem to settle is women. Some guys would rather be happy 65% of the time on a "good day" with thier girlfriend than 80% of the time every day. A guy can say his relationship is going "pretty good" and be just fine with that answer. I personally, as a woman, i really dislike that phrase "pretty good" in refrence to a relationship. That's a phrase you use for a movie that you could have netflixed instead of spent $11 for at the theater. Pretty Good is a phrase you use for a day that could have been better but you are just glad it's over.

One of my ex's (whom i still care about) would get a huge smile and glow pure happiness at the mere mention of my name. THAT is how a man AND woman should feel about their significant other. There shouldn't be any sign of "pretty good" that comes from them when they talk, think, see their significant other. I am not saying you should make your whole world/happiness revolve around them but you should feel an immense joy when you think of that person.

Some men rather deal with a girl who has a few things going for her and is easy to get, rather than a girl who has lots of things going for her and just a bit more difficult to get ahold of. They rather deal with the girl who answers all of his calls than the girl who has her own life and may not be available every time he needs her. They rather have a girl who depends on them a bit more than they are comfortable with BUT it's better than her only needing him for geniune things like loving, nice dinners and painting a room. Sure they want that girl who can handle her own drama, cook her own meals and change a tire but they don't want to work too hard to get her. They figure if they have to work at it, it's probably not worth it. So they might just keep her around as a friend and hope that she might chase him one day and THEN he will give in and make it seem like SHE is lucky to have him, when its entirely the other way around.

I am not saying all guys settle but many of them do. Women settle for men they don't need out of loneliness and desperation. Men settle for women they don't need out of laziness. There is usually someone right in front of you or in your immediate circle that adores you and would be great for you but for some reason you don't want to go for it. This is upsetting and disappointing because that person will give you everything you need but you are to caught up in other nonsense to realize it and when you do, it will be to late.

We all need to never settle for anything less than what we want and deserve. Go for that 80% or hell even 100%!! You deserve it!!!

What You Want

So there is a new poll we are taking on what you guys want to read when you come visit us here at This Close. I know we are lacking when it comes to frequency of posts but I am hoping to change that with this insightful poll! So go ahead and click some answers right over there to your right...under the WARNING notice =) And let us know what you would like to hear from us. Remember we will always write what we want to, but this could definitely help us out when we run into a loss for words lol

Also, I am still looking for another blogger to join the writing crew here at This Close so if you are interested and have a unique voice, let me know! Always looking for shameless, outspoken bloggers to share the space with =)

thanx

Razz