Stop It!!

I'm sorry about how i am going to deliver this but i'm not sorry about the point.

Why the fuck do people keep cranking out these stupid ass shows about black people...wait no, about black women making us look MORE stupid than some people already think we are?! WHY? Single Ladies is a stupid show. Basketball Wives is a stupid show. The Game is HALFWAY decent but still stupid overall.

These shows are portraying black women in a light of, we like money, drinking, glitz and sleeping around. Seriously?? That we are all high drama, mouthy and uncouth. I'm really tired of these shows. I'm really tired of others looking at me like i "might be one of them". Or even asking me about it. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I am NOTHING like those women and don't plan on being like them.

Now look, if you wanna put yourself out there like that on a silly little reality show, by all means, do your thing. Please just know you aren't just showing the world YOU but you are also showing the world US. Unfortunately we live in a world were people are still stupid enough to think people on TV is a correct portrayal of people in real life. So do YOU honey, do YOU till you turn blue, but when you mouthing off, throwing bottles, trying to be "classy" and showing your ass, think about the example you are showing for all of us. We have too many young girls trying to grow up too damn fast and be like YOU on a show like THAT.
And if you are reading a script for a show that pretty much lives in stereotype land, maybe rethink it. Maybe show your intelligence and stand up for something. Selling your soul for a quick buck never lasts long.

I am just really tired of seeing this shit. I wish there was a smart, funny show about how most of us black women are and not what people THINK they want to see. It's like black movies! All black people do in the movies is eat, have family reunions, have weddings, have family drama, have funerals, become criminals or strippers and drink. Seriously? We can't think of nothing else but that? Come on people! And when something DECENT comes out as a black movie, people don't support it cause of stupid shit. Sure, i'm sick of Madea just like everyone else, but Tyler Perry makes other good movies and when they come out people all talk shit and don't support them! Hell Queen Latifah will do a movie and still nobody supports it. Sure it may be kind of lame but damn it, at least its not the usual crap we spew out.

I'm going to get off my soap box right now, but I'm not done with this topic, nope! And for the record YES i do watch The Game and Basketball Wives Reunion (only the reunions!) because damn it i get tired of seeing white people do crazy shit in the swamp and selling things! Yep, I'm an equal opportunity annoyed with all people on TV in general person so don't think i'm being evil or something like that. I don't like most of the shit on TV, no matter who is on it >=)

Maybe You Will...Maybe You Won't

A friend of mine is feeling the pangs of a relationship being over. Missing someone you were crazy for is never fun. So this is my advice...

You get over them in whatever time you need. Meaning no matter how long you were together, you can't calculate how long its going to take for you to get over them. It may take a month, it might take a year. Only YOU can determine how long it's truly going to take to move forward. YOU make the choices for the next steps to move forward. You can cry. We all do. You can hide. We all do. You can be angry, pissed off and even resentful. We all do. But once you have run the gambit of emotions, what will you do? Can you learn from the situation? Can you pull out the good things that happened and smile about them? Can you forgive the bad things and truly forgive the person for hurting you AND for you hurting them?

It's a process. I take breakups like death. Especially if it's someone you were madly in love with and genuinely apart of one another's lives in amazing ways. You are going to feel the loss like you would when someone close to you dies. In a way it is a death. It's the death of a relationship. It's a death of part of you. You feel something missing very strong. There is a hole. And with that can come darkness and immense sadness. Trust me i know.

Speaking from experience. I have loved deeply. I have loved only 2 people in my life (not related to me) so much that i have seriously said, i would give my life for them. I have lost both of them, relationship wise. The sadness if i sit and think about it, like i am now, is still intense. The pain is still there as if it happened yesterday. I mourned when we ended our relationship. I mourned long and hard. I went to a very dark place that i had never known existed in me. I was a woman on an island, in my world. No one could say anything to me to make me feel any better for the longest time. Sure i went about my days with school and work as though i was fine but there was always a dark cloud hovering over me. I literally felt like i was best friends with Death himself. Because i truly felt that a part of me died once those relationships were over and there was no light at the end of the tunnel what so ever. So yeah, i been in it. Even to this day, its been many, many, MANY years since we have broken up and it still gets me choked up when i talk about the break up. But i have moved forward in huge ways.

You might NEVER get over this person. People don't tell you this unless they are being deathly honest to you. Your friends will say "fuck him/her, you can do better" bla bla bla. They can tell you all the shit you want to hear just to make you feel better. But truth be told friends can lie to you. A real friend, person will tell you exactly what i am about to say...YOU MIGHT NEVER GET OVER THIS PERSON. You may move forward and move on. You will meet someone else who will make you just as happy, or even happier. You will love again. That said though, the love you felt for that person may never go away and the hurt you feel from the loss may never full heal. But if you have made the effort to move on with your life, you will put that person in a place in your heart and lock it up. Think of it as a Pandora's Box deal. You put stuff in there you need to push back in order to move forward and get all the things you deserve in this life. You lock it up and put it away for safe keeping. I won't say you can never open the box again because it's human nature to go there. It's natural to want to go back there at any time. So you will. You will go there and remember the good and bad things. You will wonder if you could have done anything different. You will  miss the person. You will wonder if you will ever be that happy or meet someone that awesome ever again. That's normal. If you truly loved this person, you will look back and you will have a moment of sadness. That's how we learn and move forward. The key is to not dwell there. Don't be in the box too long. As i said before, its been several years since my break ups and every now and then i will go and open the box to  remember the good things and still feel love for them. But i don't stay there too long, because i have a future someone out there who will love me just as much and i have to remember i will be happy once again. These 2 guys will ALWAYS have a place in my heart...ALWAYS. That will never change. I will love them in some way always and forever. I accept and understand that. Which is how i have been able to move forward.

You will be all right. That's it. You will be all right. You can survive the loss. You will love someone else again. You will be just as happy with someone else again. Sure it's going to be a bit of a journey but that's what life is about. You continue the journey, take the hits and still can come up on top. That person you broke up with, doesn't define your future, only you do. You can still love them but not be with them. However, if you are an eternal optimist like myself you can have hope that maybe...just maybe, you might be reunited with this person down the road. Both as better people and both ready to be together again and it will be done the way it should be. That old saying, if  it's mean't to be it shall be, is what i believe and it's what gets me through those rough days.

I hope this helps anyone who is in this space. You are not alone.

F*** the NBA

Yeah i said it. Why do i say it? Here are my reasons and i don't care if you agree or don't.

1. We don't even have a full season! We barely got a season so you would think they want to make sure they get all the money from fans as they possibly could. NOPE! They rather keep prices too fucking high for tickets (no where near the court). Then do trades like we have a full season still! Seriously?!

2. Trades in a shitty less than half a season is bullshit! Let the players fucking play with their team! If someone really wanted to be traded then do a trade per their request but don't sit up here and keep the same trade deadlines! And stop putting people on the trade table that don't need to be there! You can't fucking "rebuild" a team this season. Wait till its over, its going to be fucking over in 2 minutes anyways! These guys are playing long and hard and you want to start pushing them to a new team where they will barely know their teammates before the shit season is over?! Seriously?!

3. Fuck Mitch Kupcheck! Yeah i said it! He is playing fast and loose with his players trying to make a dollar anyway he can. Who is paying for this? Laker fans. First Odom, now Fisher. We got a whole fucking bench of players who aren't doing shit for us and you want to trade starters and vets? Seriously?! It doesn't matter that i'm Fisher's number one fan. The man was here 1) to get the best medical care for his daughter, and 2) so he could retire as a Laker because that's what he wanted to do and EVERYONE KNEW THIS!!! FUCK, he is the got damn President of the Player's Association! You couldn't give him the rest of this shitty season and probably of his career with the team he loves?! SERIOUSLY?! Waste of fucking time and money! The man has to fucking pick up his family and move to Houston and get ready to play with a team he doesn't even know, let alone who doesn't even DESERVE HIM! People are wondering what's wrong with Odom, why isn't he playing good? WTF DO YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH HIM?! He got put on the table and didn't even know he was an option...stabbed in the back. THEN you decide last minute to take him off the table because of the HUGE uproar over it and guess what...seconds later you fucking trade him to a team that doesn't deserve him! And you fucking wonder WHY he isn't playing very well? You wonder why his heart isn't in it? Hmmm i wonder?! No amount of money fixes being stabbed in the back by someone who you thought had your back. And don't even get me started on what they did to Brian Shaw!

4. Fuck David Stern! He has proven time and time again to be all about money at any cost. Maybe he owes some mafia people i don't know. Maybe he lost some bets in Vegas? Maybe he is just a douche? Him and some of the owners are definitely douches. It's all about the money to them and they will do whatever it takes and screw over whoever they want to get that dollar. I mean look at the Miami deal...case and point. I am tired of giving my hard earned money to the NBA. I am tired of supporting a system that keeps screwing it's fans over. I'm tired of supporting a system that doesn't give a fuck about it's players and treats them like pawns. Let the guys fucking play! Let the fans fucking cheer for their team without blowing a car payment! The madness this has become is just mind blowing!

Don't get it twisted, i'm still a Lakers fan...loosely at the moment...but i'm done watching them this season. I still love pro basketball but I'm done with it this season. They have done nothing to earn my money, viewership, nor respect.

Those of you who are like "well they have to rebuild" bla bla bla about the Fisher trade, think of it like this: Say Kobe or Jordan (back in his day) were like 20 games away from retiring at the end of the season and they traded them to a loser team so he didn't have a huge chance of retiring with the team he loved, with the fans he loved, with the city he loved and did so much for on that team. How would you feel then? Especially after all the lockout drama. Could you really be ok with it and not want to say "Fuck this!"??? That's how i feel and i'm sorry but no one can change my mind about it.

Dance!

I love Flo + the Machine! And it seems that especially around this time of year, we can get dragged down with worries and fears. We feel the weight of the world heavier for some reason. We feel all the negative.

This song stays with me all day long because it reminds me to not let ridiculous things mess up my wonderful day and view on life overall. It reminds me to not forget that yeah the devil or evil of the world is gonna try to get to me but i have the power and strength to shake it off.

No matter whats going on in your life, you should know it can be worse. Be thankful that it isn't. And tell the negativity to fuck off so you can dance and enjoy what this time of year is really about; family, friends and appreciation for the things you do have.

Besides, you can't dance with a frown on your face =)

Twi-ugh

So FX is showing Twilight 1 and i keep pausing on it to watch it. I want to know what all the hype is about. I still don't get it but here are my thoughts...

- Kristen Stewart has no emotion. She looks like she is constantly constipated, even when she tries to be happy. Her narration voice reminds me too much of Lindsay Lohan narrating in Mean Girls. Which is rather annoying because i whole heartedly believe Lindsay would have made a better and less annoying Bella. How can someone give Kristen's character the name Bella and she is anything but??

- Robert Patinson...i must say i can see his appeal. He is like the Jason Priestly of this time =) The hair, chilvary, devotion to the chick he loves...it's all there. I will admit, a very well written character who has fascinating and obsessive qualities most teen girls need to become fans of someone. I do however feel bad for thim....Edward is just a role and although it's a role that made his career, he will forever be seen as Edward until he builds up his credits as a legitamite actor. I'm sure he will be fine, just have to keep getting good roles that show his range. I'm pretty sure he can do more than we know. I don't like his high pitched voice in the movie though. It's not THAT high but it's not manly enough for me. I do however give him props for losing his accent completely.

- The part at the end where Bella wants to be "with him forever" at her prom is so fucking hilarious! It's so the typical "i don't want to be a virgin anymore, tonight is the night" prom cliche! And Kristen can't even show emotion when kissing. This chick is pathetic! I don't like the constant color to hazy blue-grey-black-white thing they did either, it was annoying, not cinema. And all the intense profile shops...wow, smh.

- Peter Facinelli was nice to see as the "father" of the pack. Cause you know, those wild teens needs direction and restraint!

- I do like that one vampire chick Alice, probably because she just looks cool.

In closing, i worked hard to not vomit while watching the little bit that i did (about the last 45mins of it). There is no part of me that could sit threw a whole series, let alone 2 hours of this anti-climatic movie(s). There was never a point where i wanted to be Bella, or wanted a guy like Edward. Sure in theory it would be cool to date a vampire but from where i come from, they suck blood and don't have the option to "control the urge". If you are gonna fall for a vampire, you better be ready to be one. Also, the angst that Bella puts herself threw makes me want to break her neck! I know, she is like 16 but come on!!!! She is super cliche too...doesn't socialize, lives in a small town, parents are apart, random dudes like her but her self esteem is so shot to hell she doesn't realize it till they chase her down or pop up in her room randomly and so on. It's classic geared for teens writing. I know some of you might think "if you were 16 now, you would probably be a fan of it"...let me tell you somethin, i would still scoff at it if i was 16...that's just me.

I don't think anything less of the Twihards or whatever they are called, i just know even after seeing a bit, i will never be into it.

ps...i just read on IMDB the whole story of the main characters all the way up to the end (last book) and yeah, anti-climatic just like i thought *snickering*

Thoughts on MJ Trial

Murray was found Guilty. I'm not surprised, i believe he is the "fall guy". I hope though that the others who are responsible get what they deserve as well, whether it be by the law of the land or by a much higher power.

Michael Jackson was a great performer but he had problems as well, and he did not get to this point (death) alone or by Murray's hands alone. There is always a group of people around celebrities that don't say "NO" to them and those people can deeply hinder and harm the celebrity by not saying "NO". Those people need to have consequences as well. They have to live with the notion of they didn't do something or MORE to help this celebrity have a better life. I don't want to go into it more but we all know, saying "NO" to someone can save their life because so many other's keep saying "YES" to them.

On another note, i really liked Judge Pastor and the head of prosecution Walgren! The DA owned this trial from beginning to end. The judge himself seemed much more personable and realistic which in this kind of case is something that was needed.

I hope people don't act as fools in celebration or being upset at this verdict. Michael Jackson was human being and at the end of the day, he died due to his own issues as well as others helping him feed those issues. Perhaps now his family and children will get some peace and can move forward. Perhaps now his fans can move forward. Perhaps now we all will take a 2nd look at doctors and remember they are human as well, therefore they will make mistakes. We just have to be careful to not put them on higher platforms than they deserve. We are responsible for our own actions at the end of the day and we must all be held accountable for the actions no matter if they have good or bad consequences.

Now let's all move on and hope for better days =)

Start to Finish

I know it's been awhile since i gave you all something to read but life gets in the way...i'm sure you understand that =)

Outside of work, i've been conducting a little experiment on a daily basis. I'm sure we all have our ipods and mp3 players constantly set to "shuffle" because listening to anything in order is just boring and it keeps music "fresh" in a sense. Well, i have decided to stop the shuffle madness and listen too all of my music from 1 to (insert insane number here). Last time i checked (last week) i had 3k songs just on my mp3 player alone lol Granted some of them are double uploads but thats only like 3% of them.

Basically, i have to listen to every song no matter what it is...even if it hurts...in numerical track order. If after i listen to it, i don't want it i can delete it but i HAVE TO listen to the whole track before deleting it forever. And i must delete all double tracks immediately. I started this experiment a month ago and i am currently in the "F" songs. I have deleted about 20 double tracks. I am currently on track #389.

The fun part is, it's almost like my player is on shuffle because i have no idea what song is coming up next. As well as, i get to play the "what song is this?" game, where i try to guess the track title by only using the previous track as a clue. I'm realizing knowing the artist means nothing in this experiment because you can get Madonna and Jimmy Eat World next to each other and unless you know the titles you have no idea what letter nor word you are on. It also shows how eclectic your musical taste truly is. It's one thing to say it but another thing to actually experience it.

I love music so this is a never ending mental pleasure trip for me. OH and if i add any new music i have to go back to the earliest letter of the newest tracks installed and start from there. So if i put "I Follow Rivers" by Lykke Li and "Be My Baby" by Vanessa Paradis in, i have to go all the way back to the "B's" and listen to Be My Baby and go from there all over again XD Which is why i have only added a few new tracks lol

So i challenge anyone out there who loves music and has a ton of it, to try this out. From beginning to end listen to all your music in track title order only! Not by artist. And see how long it takes you and how long you can handle it hehe

Remember it's the little things in life that make it interesting and memorable =)